Posted: January 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

For those of you who don’t know about associations there are rules that must be followed. In almost every state (some states in the Midwest are free of community associations) the majority of newly developed communities are indeed associations as mandated by lending establishments. Along with purchasing a home within the hallowed grounds there are governing documents. They set the standards for everything from how many Board Meetings the associations have to what type of plant is allowed. The sad part about the documents is they are indeed meant to protect one of the largest investments you’re ever going to make but instead of owners realizing the importance they tend to push aside the big thick binder they get and plow headlong into doing the same things they’ve been doing for years – junking up the place.

I’ve managed community associations for over twenty years and I’ve been around it all. I swear to God when a community stated very clearly you couldn’t have lawn ornaments outside over eighteen inches and then certain homeowners decided to reports those who’s statues were taller – I about lost it. You see what happens (at least in the state of Virginia) is that if you’re found in violation of the governing documents by the association (generally members of the board of directors) then you can be fined monetarily with a fee of $10 per day for up to ninety days and yes these are collectable in a court of law.

While courts DO NOT like this kind of crap – and I say the term loosely – in their courts I’ve been in front of a judge representing the association more than once. I will give the owners credit for ingenuity. In this instance they started burying the little feet of the statues into the ground or in mulch. Hey…if you can’t see the inches they don’t count. Right? Laugh. They story is very true.

I’ve been at Board meeting where people have thrown tomatoes at the developer and threatened their lives. It’s crazy what happens to people when they move into associations. I’m been threatened with knives, guns and with lawsuits. I used to say if I wasn’t threatened at least once a week I wasn’t doing my job. Why do you think the national burn out rate is three years? Hey, and I even have the highest designation in my profession called the Professional Community Association Manager (PCAM) and I have been very creative during my tenure with selecting words. LOL Hence the Pinked series was born to keep me from… Well we’ll leave it at that. Here’s another naughty little taste to wet your appetite. Oh and why do you think I get creative about killing people with weed eaters and such tasty tools?

THE FLAMINGO WRANGLER (Five o ‘Clock Nowhere)

Okay, so not what Nicky anticipated seeing when she pulled into the parking lot at all. Ironically she was used to seeing everything from hot sports cars to pseudo floats left over from the recent parades in Leopard’s Pointe but raw, twin performance, badass Harley’s all gleaming in a row just begging to be ridden, whew. Nicky had to admit to herself that ever since Mick had told her about how The Flamingo Rustler used to be a heady biker bar and one built from scratch, ground up and especially by his grandfather she’d experienced more than one naughty girl vision of seeing Mick on a Harley her legs strapped around his. Sighing, she closed her eyes envisioning her arms holding on for dear life, hair flying in the wind riding down the highway at full speed. Reckless abandon before he took her to a secluded forest…my oh my. They were such sexy little thoughts.

There was just something so hot about a man and his very large machine. She licked her lips. Six bikes. Interesting. She knew Wildman owned one but he rarely rode it from what she remembered. Hell, then again, it had been almost thirty days since she’d set foot in the Rustler, entirely too damn long. Thank God, she also found what appeared to be the very last parking space in the entire place. My, it was a Thursday. What was going on that was so inviting?

Nicky grumbled as she recognized several of the cars belonging to too many of the fine people she worked for. Poor Mick, his hot nightclub was taken over by some serious Looney tunes. Excellent for business though and the older crowd of upper middle class positively loved him. Who wouldn’t? Okay, so the food, drinks and entertainment weren’t bad either. But nothing like a little eye candy to get your heart rate pumping.

Glossing her lips a dazzling ruby one last time, she checked her teeth for lipstick and slid out of the car. Dear God, the swim up bar and beach volleyball was certainly a hit. But seeing some of the Pointe folks in a bathing suit did nothing for her appetite. Avoiding their daunting eyes, she walked around to the entrance and glided in the front door. The flashing lights caught her off guard just as a bundle of energy rushed past her. “What the hell?” Whipping around, she could see as dog racing toward the street. Her animal loving instinct kicked in immediately. “No!” Eyeing the oncoming traffic, she hissed and took after the dog.

The golden ball of fur zigzagged around the parking lot and if Nicky didn’t know better she’d think the dog was baiting her. Darting back and forth, she almost caught the critter as he turned and barked once before heading back toward the street. “STOP!” Screaming at the top of her lungs, she held her hand out as whistles exploded from the passing cars. Shaking her head, she was shocked with the dog came to a dead halt and turned slowly, his tail wagging in a big droopy fashion. Was the dog baiting her? Inching forward slowly, she held out her hand. “Hey boy.” At least she thought the gorgeous creature was a boy. His golden fur glowed in the late afternoon sun. “You’re gorgeous.”

Creeping a little closer she smiled and was able to pet his head. His fur silky, Nicky smiled and suddenly could see owning a beautiful dog and one she could curl up to on a winter’s night in front of the fire with a glass of wine and a hunky man to… Sucking in her breath she started to kneel down just as the dog bolted, taking off as a full run around the back side of the restaurant. At least he wasn’t going toward the street. Shaking her head she poofed her hair before heading back toward the entrance. Suddenly it dawned on her, the dog was a freaking Golden Retriever. Shivering, flashes of karma pulsed past her field of vision. Holy hell in a hand basket. Don’t think this way, girl. It’s not gonna happen.

Throwing back her shoulders Nicky opened the door and instantly grinned. The Flamingo Rustler was not a beach bar except for the island themed and very creative back deck area and the contrast with the inside flaming disco party was provocative and delightful. The gorgeous bar was difficult to explain to the naked eye. It was indeed fashioned more like a wild nightclub long gone from the disco era infused with strong hits of neon, LED lighting, a pulsing dance floor, excellent vintage music and the best eclectic food in town.

“Nicky! We knew you’d be here.” Ray clapped. “Hey guys, its Nicky. You survived last night. Thank God, girl. At least you shut up Patricia. I liked your high kick at the end.”

“Hey Ray, how are you guys?” How did Nicky know the Board President would be here? And she’d almost forgotten she’d kneed the bitch, accidentally of course, as she left the clubhouse. And everyone saw it too. So much for her nice girl reputation.

“What are you doing here?” His gleaming eyes told her that he knew exactly why she was standing dressed to kill.

Nicky growled and looked around for anyone she knew.

“Hey girl. The hunky man you’re looking for is over there. What did you do to him? Oh yeah, we know and I must tell you, I approve. Your gift was too much but you’ll have to tell me exactly where you got um honey.” The woman grinned as she raised a glass.

Scrutinizing he woman, Nicky realized Penelope looked like a Cheshire cat with a frothy warm bowl of milk in front of her. The lascivious look on her face told the entire room she was scoping for meat that afternoon. A well loved Board member of the upscale condominium, Leopard’s Cove yet she fit in perfectly with the crazies and was always hungry for a man or five.

Nicky sighed as the nefarious grin took on a saucy meaning. Gift? Had she forgotten something? Nicky turned to eye Froggy and even from the doorway and through the haze of neon flashing strobe lighting, she could see his shit-eating grin. Okay, what, another secret? She couldn’t eye Mick but the very tall and seriously dangerous looking men that hovered around the end of the bar certainly drew her attention. “The Harley owners,” she whispered and glanced down at Ray’s table.

“Come join us my dear.” Ray stood up and grabbed her hand.

“I, well maybe for just one drink.” Nicky looked toward Froggy who nodded. She never had to order. The crazy bartender made whatever concoction he felt like for her on any given day. Very Berry Cranium Crusher, Rode Hard and Put Away Wet, Pinky’s Ne-hi. Whatever he was in the mood to try and create, she was his guinea pig and she didn’t mind one little bit. Somehow the wicked concoctions always kicked her in the ass.

“That’s right, you have a date,” Ray smiled.

“Where’s your lovely wife?” Nicky countered.

“Getting a membership at that new exercise joint. Bout damn time if you ask me.”

Nicky looked down at his pudgy belly and thick legs and had to grin. Pot calling the kettle black just a tiny bit. “What exercise place?”

“Oh come on, Nicky. I know you’ve been busy hiding but Take the Weight off Sugar?”

“I beg your pardon.”

“The name sweetie. That’s the name.” Penelope moved in. “Planning on checking that out myself tomorrow or so.”

“Where is this place?” She vaguely remembered seeing the name cross her desk. Nicky begged to see Mick. No, but one of the biker dudes noticed her in a huge way. She swallowed hard. Was the one guy’s tattoos actually jiggling the naked girl’s boobs? Geez.

“Um, Nicky, it’s in the community. You should have approved not only the location but the design,” Ray admonished.

Nicky fought to remember the application. Oh yeah, two new businesses went in Leopard’s Pointe recently, the exercise place and a butcher shop. Interesting mix. “Oh yeah. Good for Pussy Willow.” Why in God’s name Ray called the owner such a ridiculous name really didn’t want to know but the nickname stuck and who was she to challenge it? Granted, Ray’s scruffy dog’s name was Rat Ass Bastard. And somehow the name suited the ragged pup perfectly, the little ankle biter.

“You sure look ready for that hot date, honey bunches.” Penelope grinned.

Nicky blushed as Froggy sauntered over.

“Well, a sight for very sore eyes girl and you look delicious, if I can say that to you.” Froggy handed her something that looked like a serious vibrant pink infused drink full of too much mind altering alcohol.

“And what am I drinking tonight my friend?” She kissed his cheek. “By the way, do you guys have a dog?”

“This my lovely is our legendary Pink Flamingo. Ready for your tasting pleasure and I can guarantee that it will make your nipples swell and your biscuits burn. And Mick found himself attached to a dog. Haven’t seen either of them in a little while though. Pretty pup and I think good for business.”

“Froggy!” Nicky chastised as she shook her head. “I think he’s trotting on back home.”

“Shame,” Froggy mewed as he pressed a stray strand of hair from Nicky’s face.

Ray chortled.

Penelope squealed. “Purr-fect.”

“Talking about our hot wings and homemade corn biscuits girl. What the heck did you think I was talking about?” Froggy laughed.

“Uh huh. My ass.” Grinning, Nicky took a sip and smiled. “Wow, this is awesome. Um…Mick here?” Yeah, now that was smooth.

“Like you don’t know he’s waiting with baited breath and something else.” Winking, Froggy ribbed her.

Nicky sighed. Dating was way too complicated. “Who are the brutes in the leather?” Turning in her direction the rough-hewn group more than undressed her with their eyes. Was the term fresh meat really off the table?

“Friends of Wildman. The Virginia Beach Society of Harley Riders. Interested in our fair city here.”

What do you think? I know – I love my Harley ridin’ men!

Ciao   xxx




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