So Just What is Pinked About Anyway?

Posted: February 11, 2012 in Uncategorized

I manage community associations and have for years – almost too long. So it’s the Valentine’s Day Blog Hop and I hope you have fun. It’s a draining occupation and as you can well imagine I have stories to tell. Just what is it? Community Associations are groups of homes, townhouses or condominiums that have rules and regulations to follow – a set of governing documents. In other words you can’t paint your house a certain color or without asking permission first. A manager handles all the day to day activities including working with the Board of Directors, hiring contracts, accepting association fees from homeowners and lots of other tasks.

Let me tell you homeowners are cranky and sometimes boards make ridiculous decisions. That’s where Pinked came about – to tell sometimes true stories with a kick. It’s campy and fun and I get to kill people! So sit back and enjoy first a taste of several of them in synopsis and I’ll being you excerpts along the way as well. Remember to comment for a chance to win a book and stop by all weekend.

Where community association living is dangerous to your health

PINKED

For Community Association Manager, Nicky French to get a call about one of her communities in the middle of the night, that meant something serious was up. Finding the developer of Leopard’s Pointe, an upscale multi-use housing and business development murdered, impaled on the iron pool gates surrounded by a sea of inflatable pink flamingoes, well, that was something to behold. The most hated man in the history of real estate, there were too many suspects to name including every single homeowner in the community. Not to mention spoiled twin sons with designs on the family business.

For rough and tumble Detective Tyler Deverall, being called to a scene of a murder in the middle of the night was nothing unusual. But when the only thing keeping the owners at bay from partying all night long in celebration and hindering the investigation was the tough stance of one woman, he was intrigued. As Nicky and Tyler set out to find the murderer, the builders begin to drop like flies and each murder is more horrific and comical than the last.

Set against the backdrop of Chesterfield County Virginia, enter the realm and sometimes nightmare of one very special homeowner association – where living can be dangerous to your health. A community where the owners are cranky at best and they all have something to hide. Run by a nefarious Board determined to keep the unwanted out and the owners under their thumb, they allow only the slightest infractions of the rules and if you are caught one too many times, punishment can be painful.

As Nicky and Tyler delve into the jaded and wild world of spray painted flowers, kinky sex, neon flashing signs, and a touch of the mafia, they both soon learn that their life and understanding of humanity will never be the same. Who knew a glue gun could be such an effective murder weapon?

THE FLAMINGO WRANGLER (Five O’ Clock Nowhere)

Mick St. Simons thought his day couldn’t get any worse. Unwanted and God knew unneeded Leopard’s Pointe Board members suddenly appeared, drinking shots of tequila while the entire Virginia Beach Society of Harley Riders camped in the middle of his bar, The Flamingo Rustler. But when he heard the massive explosion across the street and his bar became an immediate association clubhouse, he knew his day had turned to shit.

For Nicky French and Tyler Deverall, it was just another day at the office. Blown to bits by sources unknown, the center of the community and the beloved clubhouse affectionately called the “Zoo”, the Board demanded answers and they had to come fast. As hints of a mafia hit showered the airwaves, the community is placed on edge and takes matters into their own hands. Keeping the peace wasn’t a problem. Keeping the owners away from guns, battery powered hedge trimmers, poison and fire extinguishers was.

And when a much loved long term community leader ends up in the pool naked with a hooker and a bag full of drugs, well, all bets were off. As Mick struggles to regain his bar and Nicky and Tyler battle a possible drug lord, more bodies wash up literally. And then there’s the issue of pink silk panties. The clues are plenty and the suspects abound and somehow, the nights seem to grow wilder.

FUCHSIA HOT PANTS AND PINK LEMONADE  – April 2012

Nicky was sick and tired of hearing about the stench of garbage from the local landfill across from Leopard’s Pointe. So sick in fact she scheduled a meeting with Skylorn Landfill’s owner, Bruno Carletti. Somehow as the massive dump truck uncovered five fresh bodies before their eyes, she knew she wasn’t going to get to her hot date that night. When she found out all five members of the Board of Leopard’s Paw, the upscale posh condominium, lay mummified in the muck, she headed for Mick’s bar and a kiss of the Irish. Somehow the owner of the tiny trash company knew exactly what was going on but wouldn’t say a thing. Why would he? Thugs and murderers were involved.

And without question the situation became obvious to everyone who asked that the Board wasn’t going to be successful in shutting down Skylorn. And then there was the hot twin from Sampson Wright Development, Parker Barrington, who was not only a suspect in the murders, but a known associate with the Italian Trash Cartel and hot after Nicky’s body. As Nicky and Tyler try and solve the murders, mysterious sewage finds its way into every home in the condominium association. And everyone is in a cranky little mood.

When the landscaper is accused of maiming the Grounds Committee Chair with a weedeater, things go from bad to worse in the blink of an eye. Just as they think they have it all figured out, the local ice cream truck begins selling drugs and sex next to the ice cream bars and soda pop. It’s amazing what you can buy for $29.99. Then there’s the trash dump that causes trouble once again. What’s a community manager to do? Buy spandex and pray for a miracle.

SHORT STRAWS, PONY BOTTLES & BC POWDER 

Ah, the sweet thought of being with the man you love in a moment of pleasure and peace. Too bad the criminals were taking a day off. In the end, both Nicky and Tyler were both going to call the wretched experience the honeymoon from hell. Not that Nicky didn’t relish the swell house loaned to them by her new brother in law that sat directly on the whitest of beaches in all of Virginia. No, that wasn’t the problem, the naked dead body floating in the swimming pool was. And with their DNA all over the dead body, somehow neither Nicky nor Tyler truly thought either the Virginia Beach Police or the Oceanside Association Board was going to believe they were innocent.

Confined to the community while trying to prove their innocence, they encounter an entirely new set of insane crass people and bizarre situations including a reality show where murderers have a choice and a strip club where the dancers won’t take no for an answer. Somewhere in the middle, it all gets a little bit kinky as a blackmailer stalks the Association owners and interesting porn pictures appear on the internet. Recruited to help the neighbors, Nicky and Tyler realize God fearing people aren’t who they thought they were.

Amidst puppies and poop, Slip and Slide Saturdays, and Whine and Cheese parties every night, their two weeks couldn’t go by fast enough. Still, there was the haunting stranger that broiled her wild desires and drove Tyler to the edge of reason. And when the killer is found wearing leather and lace, they both decide Richmond is a much safer insane asylum.

Can you imagine living there? 

Ciao  xxx

Dakotah

http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-pinked-615560-148.html

http://thebloghopspot.com/event-page/

 

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Comments
  1. Melissa Keir says:

    I’ve lived in a condo where the association was a bully and forced the builder out of business and then let us live in a mold filled condo while they harrassed us about how many cars we had. Sometimes killing isn’t good enough!

  2. I’m so glad not to have to deal with an association. I’m sure the board must serve some useful purpose, maybe like target practice for mercenaries?

    drainbamaged.gyzmo at gmail.com

  3. Andrea I says:

    No association for me. Our subdivision doesn’t have one.

    ainfinger@comcastDOTnet

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