Hoppy Easter Blog Hop and I have another excerpt from you. I manage community associations and for those of you who don’t know, they are planned communities designed by developers and you have to follow the rules. Most people honestly hate that and as such are generally not very good neighbors – and they make even worse Board members who are trying to run the day to day business of the association. So… what do you mix when you have unhappy people and a lot of rules? Well in my Pinked series – murder and mayhem. Here’s how the entire series started and don’t forget to comment for a chance to win a sexy book.

PINKED

Where community association living is dangerous to your health

BLURB

When Community Association Manager Nicky French received a call about one of her communities in the middle of the night, she knew something serious was up. Finding the developer of Leopard’s Pointe impaled on the iron pool gates surrounded by a sea of inflatable pink flamingoes, Nicky was stunned to find bonfires raging and the community rejoicing. William Barrington was the brilliant designer of the upscale multi-use community, yet apparently everyone wanted him dead. And there were too many suspects to name including every single homeowner in the community and his two sons.

For rough and tumble Detective Tyler Deverall to be called to a scene of a murder in the middle of the night was nothing unusual. And given the only thing keeping the owners from partying all night long and celebrating thus hindering his investigation was Nicky French’s tough stance, Tyler was intrigued.

As Nicky and Tyler set out to find the murderer, builders begin to drop like flies with each murder becoming more horrific and comical than the last. Set against the backdrop of Chesterfield County, Virginia, enter the realm (and sometimes nightmare) of one very special homeowner’s association – where living can be dangerous to your health. As Nicky and Tyler delve into the wild world of spray painted flowers, kinky sex, neon signs and a tango with the mafia, they soon learn that their understanding of humanity will never be the same. Who knew a glue gun could be such an effective murder weapon?

 EXCERPT

“Nicky! Your God damned beefcake hotshot developer has managed to get his fat ass impaled on the pool gates. Now I’ve got blood everywhere and people screaming. What are you going to do about it?” The gravelly chastising voice bellowed like a bull in a china shop, insistent and imploring. The man was cranky as hell.

And it pissed the bejesus out of her. “Who the hell are you?” Nicky French fumbled in the dark trying to make sense of why in God’s name she had answered the phone at all in the middle of the night. She sat up. The blood bammed against her forehead so hard it was like tiny and very noisy munchkin men were inside her brain beating to the tune of Michael Jackson’s Beat It.

She thrashed in the direction of the phone and her hand slamming into something. The crash was loud enough to wake the dead. “Holy fuck!”

“What do you mean who is this? Get a grip girl! Do your job! This is Ray!”

Nicky struggled with the covers that had captured her like a prisoner of war, tumbled out of bed and fell directly onto her face. “Ray who?”

“Your God damned Board President. That’s who! You know, the one your lousy firm works for?”

Nicky fought her way to the bathroom, cordless phone still in her hand. Ray Switzer. Oh yeah. Famous in his mind anyway. The cranky old guy ran — and she merely thought the words with a chagrin on her face — ran the Board at Leopard’s Pointe, the Premiere Community Association in Chesterfield. Yeah right. She growled. “Ah…Ray. Why exactly are you calling me again in the middle of the night?”

“Are you deaf, girl? The damn developer’s down here on the top of the pool gates. Fucker’s dead as a damn doornail. Causing quite a stir too I might add. Shit woman, I think a party’s ready to break out. Hold on! Marge – stop that. You can’t take pictures with a dead man for Christ’s sake!” Huffing and puffing rumbled through the phone.

Nicky heard muffled excited voices that had to be hovering directly behind Ray. God, the man drove her absolutely nuts. No, the freaking community drove her nuts. That’s because only nut cases lived there. Yep, her favorite saying remained in the forefront of her mind. You move into a community association, check your brains at the door. Hush girl! Association Management is your chosen profession. Remember?

“No! It won’t make good newsletter material! Sorry Nicky. Damn these women drive me crazy!” Ray huffed.

Who the hell was he talking to? “So are you serious, Ray? Is there really a dead man’s body somewhere in the community?” Groaning, Nicky stabbed at the light. The florescent beams hit her squarely in the eyes. She winced and her head bounced to the moon. Damn! She shouldn’t have had that last fuzzy nipple or pink navel or whatever the hell Ruby forced her to have. Her best friend could make a party out of anything.

“Dead as a damn heart attack, girl. And you wouldn’t believe the rest of it. Get the hell down here now! Oh holy hell! I gotta go, Fred’s bringing out the cheese whiz. Jesus H. Christ! Fred…Fred!

“Ray. Ray!” Snarling, Nicky realized Ray hung up. She dropped the phone with a thud and held onto the bathroom counter. The entire world swooned by her like a bad case of the heebie jeebies. What the hell is the crazed old fool talking about? Somehow she doubted William Barrington the third – and she was required to address the retired ex-New York judge that way — was somehow nestled into the closed pool in the middle of the night. But then again, she found two kids in the back of the bathroom doing the nasty just last week. And the damned pool had been open what, a week?

Inhaling deeply, Nicky balled her fists and glared at herself in the mirror. She was thirty-one going on a hundred, easily. The damn community had aged her just in the last year alone. There was nothing like two separate cases of raw sewage spewing into several condominium units around a given holiday to boil your blood. She turned on the cool water and splashed a handful in her face remembering she wasn’t on call, not this month. Yet Ray baby knew all of her phone numbers and called her outside of business hours on a regular basis.

Nicky, why haven’t the pool chairs come in?

     Nicky, why aren’t we on budget for grounds care?

     Nicky, I can’t stand the damn painter. Can’t you fire him and hire another?

     Nicky… 

     Nicky!

The majority of the time Nicky felt like a battering ram for the entire community. Still, something was up. Ray wouldn’t call her unless something was going on in the melting pot of humans. The question was, was she sober enough to drive? She fumbled back into the bedroom and stared at the crimson bold-faced digital clock. Three am? How long have I been asleep, like an hour?

Why no officer. I haven’t had a thing to drink. Just going to visit the community I manage in the middle of the freaking night!

You betcha that excuse would fly. All the way to jail.

Growling, Nicky fumbled to find the clothes she slid out of barely an hour before. The lovely single nightcap turned into a round of heavy dirty dancing with some guy name Raul. Who the hell named their kid Raul and lived to talk about it? She was going to curse her Ruby Dettrix in the morning. She could still see the buxom woman batting her emerald green eyes and slicing her rich auburn hair over her shoulders as she pursed her lips, daring Nicky to join her. Just one drink girlfriend. It’ll be fun.

Four drinks later and a handful of phones numbers and Nicky was hot, horny and alone.

Realizing time was of the essence she threw on the same attire, a tight black leather skirt and scarlet polyester shirt that clung to every curve like a glove and shook her head. Boy, wasn’t she the picture of association management? Sadly, with three night meetings that week, she hadn’t managed to do laundry in a good ten days. Aarrgh! Huffing, Nicky brushed the golden strands back into a ponytail and rushed to put on a little make up, gazing at her reflection with disdain. “You look like hell in a hand basket.”

Giggling, Nicky imagined it was perfect for a murder scene. Jerking to a halt, she threw her hand over her mouth, frozen like a popsicle in Alaska. Murder? Was he serious? Not that she hadn’t thought about it before, given her profession, who wouldn’t? Still, murder in the community was unheard of. Had Ray said anything about calling the police? Shit, she could barely remember. She grabbed a bottle of water, her purse, keys and prayed to some God she’d make it from the West End to Chesterfield County in one piece.

What do you think? Could you live there? I know MY answer.

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Ciao  xxx

Dakotah

http://www.dakotahblack.com

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What you say? REALLY? Yes, indeed I enjoy mixing it up with writing all things campy as well as kinky so… I write romantic comedy and this is my third piece in the PINKED Collection and a very fun one. The characters all stay the same and the good times float by in the blink of an eye BUT…remember there are always horrific crimes that happen. Just with things like weedeaters and epoxy guns as opposed to guns and knives. Let’s take a taste of my soon to be released on April 17th from Rebel Ink Press and a funny little ride.

FUCHSIA HOT PANTS & PINK LEMONADE

Chapter One

“You have to be kidding me. Strippers? I have a bad feeling this night is going to hell in a hand basket quickly,” Nicky French hissed through clenched teeth.

“Now wait a minute, girl. I kinda like the sexy blond over there. My God. I think he’s packin’ more than eight inches. You should go for him. Whew, baby! Wouldn’t hurt to get a little nookie. Oh I forgot. You don’t do that kind of thing any longer.”

“Would you stop?” Nicky raised her eyebrow at Ruby Dettrix, her best friend, ace reporter and the local-girl-on-the-fast-track to make it to the Today show. Ruby was also a vixen in stilettos and always ready for a good time. “Need I remind you this was supposed to be a family event?” Checking her watch, the fact it was only four in the afternoon meant she had a long night of dealing with weirdo’s ahead of her. There was something about watching the group of men and women dancing to blaring disco music wearing what could only be described as Caribbean ghetto attire to keep her a bit frosty.

“Since when has anything to do with Leopard’s Pointe been a family event? Come on. Let’s get a drink. Looks like they’re serving up Betty’s famous Iced Pink Lemonade.”

“Great. The Vice President of the Board is bartending. What’s next? A hot game of strip poker?” That meant the party was going to get out of hand quickly. Nicky glanced around the filled-to-capacity clubhouse and had to admit the renovation team had done a fantastic job of rebuilding and updating the community’s party zone. As she dodged a beach ball headed directly for her head, she knew why the place had been given the nickname The Zoo.

“As long as those four sexy hunks are involved, I’m game.” Ruby stated as she snapped her gum.

Nicky was already exhausted from a long week of dealing with the final paperwork on the rebuild of the clubhouse. And the five hour Board meeting the night before hadn’t helped her mood one bit. Then again, cranky was her middle name as of late. At least the community had a brand spanking new clubhouse. The madman had done a solid job of blowing it to bits in a fiery blackmail attempt. Well, the oversized place had been outdated with madras coverings and ugly pea green walls. The beautiful ocean breeze look was much better suited to the surroundings. And somehow she knew the lovely location would be destroyed in less than a year given the wild parties thrown by the community. There was nothing like bikers and hookers and strippers oh my.

“Hey, Nicky! Where’s that hot cop lover of yours?” A man screamed over the roar of the crowd.

“Yeah, Nicky!” The woman in Pepto Bismol pink screeched.

“You go, girl.” Wearing nothing but a thong, the man swayed his hips back and forth as three women cat-called and whistled.

“No man should wear a thong,” Nicky groaned and resisted giving Ray Switzer, her Leopard’s Pointe Board President the finger. Her love life had always been gluttonous folly for the crazies in the community. It seemed every day she hated her job of community manager of the gated community more and more. “I need a vacation.” Nodding to Betty, the rather scandalous Vice President of the homeowner’s association, she was at least glad the woman was dressed down for once. Then again, shocking orange was the brassy blonde’s favorite color.

“Drink this and you’ll feel better.” Ruby brushed her hand through her curly, red hair as she handed Nicky a tall glass.

“You’ll feel like dancing in the streets or more,” Betty said as slid her finger back and forth across the seam of her mouth.

Nicky swallowed hard as she gazed at the frothy concoction. When Betty made drinks, people got naked. Yes you did and the entire community isn’t going to let you live it down. Hushing her ugly little voice, she took a sip from the fuchsia straw and almost gagged. “Jesus, Betty. Trying to kill us?”

“Hey. We haven’t had a thing to celebrate around here since the desperados blew up the joint. Let’s have some fun. I think the committee members have a series of spectacular games planned for in addition to casino. You gambling, sugar? I am and you must know what’s on the menu,” Betty cooed as she licked her lips and smiled mischievously at the dark headed stripper.

“I’ve afraid to ask.” Great. Nicky knew all the community needed was a gambling event.

“Beefcake and take a look at the stunning boys preening in preparation. Gonna do him in the pool later.” As Betty ogled the group of muscular men, she sucked on her straw, licking up and down the length.

“Unbelievable. Every day I need a cat scan.” Glancing around the room, Nicky could only imagine what brand of crazy had been cooked up. Strippers and gambling. Granted, the entire community had been somber since the murders were solved almost two months before. This would be the last summer blow out. Thank freaking God it was almost Labor Day. The pool would close. The people would get ready to hibernate for the upcoming Virginia winter. And pigs would fly again. Chuckling, she couldn’t help but think about her busy schedule for the next week. There was too much to do, including attending two heated Board meetings. At least after that she had a few days off. Maybe she’d fly to Tahiti all by herself. She could meet a guy and have a wild fling and… At least the thought was delicious.

“Daydreaming about sex again?” Ruby teased.

“I have no idea how you do that.”

“You get a certain look in your eye like the cat that swallowed a canary. By the way, where is that hunky detective of yours? I thought you and Tyler were attached at the hip now. You know, planning your upcoming wedding and all.”

While Nicky wanted to slap her best friend down, the truth was she kinda missed the sexy come-as-you-may detective in a huge way. “He’s supposed to be here if some kind of wretched murder doesn’t get in the way.” Like epoxy being shoved in the private parts of some hapless thug. Giggling, she took another gulp of her drink and could almost feel her body swaying back and forth. Was it because she had a huge crush on the rough-hewn detective who sparred with her more than any man she knew or was she simply in the – I love a rugged man protecting me mode? Either way, she was indeed hoping he was going to show up.

“Oh…my…God!” Ruby exclaimed as she jerked on Nicky’s arm. “Do you see what I see? Oh strip me down to nothing, score me on a skewer and call me done. That is without a doubt the most gorgeous man on the face of this Earth.”

“What in the hell are you talking about?” As Nicky turned her head, the sight of Mick St. Simons, the owner of The Flamingo Rustler restaurant and one of two men vying to take her to bed – okay so the hunky Aussie had already taken to bed but that was another story – embroiled her… No, the sight of him barely dressed in a skin-tight pair of dark pants, no shirt and a bow tie was to die for. Biting her lower lip, she brushed the beads of sweat from her brow and sighed. And then she hissed. “What is Mick doing here?” Resisting him wasn’t her strong suit.

“I think I overheard Betty saying the Board selected the Rustler to cater the party. Isn’t that something you should know about, girl? Or are you losing your touch?” Laughing, Ruby gave Nicky a sinful glare before cocking her hip and sauntering toward the six foot four blond God.

And Nicky wanted to rip her heart out. He certainly looked the part for the evening. As Mick strode toward her, Nicky could easily tell what was on his mind. Then again, the same shameless thought was on hers almost every day. There was something so intriguing about the man and while they’d only been together once – well kinda twice, he was without a doubt the hottest lover she’d ever had.

“Hello, luv. What do you think of the party so far?” Mick asked as he leaned down for a kiss on the cheek.

Hope you enjoyed!

Ciao  And don’t forget to comment for a chance to win prizes!

Dakotah

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What? Too much for you in the morning? Come on. It’s fun to think about killing off characters in a series and I get bored seeing a criminal simply pull out a gun and start shooting. Come on. There are SOOO many more ways to get the bad guy or the good guy or whoever you’re in the mood to kill off. From serial killers to madmen and heroes who have to go the extra mile in order to stay alive, there are so many fascinating ways of finding and wielding the right weapon. It’s wonderful as an author to be able to take on a new challenge and try and make the story line sound believable.

The thought of killing of course isn’t new but when you combine the ability of using information from the Internet to finding and reading books meant for authors on the aspects of killing from poisons to guns, ropes to knives, you can really destroy some worlds. It’s funny given the age of terrorism that you can continue to find truly real life methods and trust me in my campy murder mystery series I use just about every one of them in creative ways.

When I sat down to pen the PINKED series I developed several cheat sheets. Meaning I of course wrote about the characters and all their attributes and I also wrote down the locations that would remain the same throughout the series. Then again I have everything from drinks I made up to food for The Flamingo Rustler restaurant. That’s the wacky and very self indulgent part of the story line. I get to create colorful characters who ebb and flow throughout and give you a taste of the spicy side of life. So… I have several ways in which I like to kill. Let’s take a look at a few, shall we? Oh and I’ll let most of your imagination do the thinking since I don’t want to give away ALL my secrets.

TOP TEN

10.  Miracle Grow Cocktail – mixes nicely with Melon liquor

9.  Dremel Tool – oh you have no idea what kind of lovely carvings you can do

8.  Pesticide man – take and wand and depending on where you shove…

7.  Expanding foam – need I say more?

6.  Garden hose full of acid – yes you have to be quick but imagine, the entire evidence dissolves

5.  Hard Salami – you can kill sate your appetite at the same time

4.  Weedeater – oh come on – do you really need any more details?

3.  Cans of pam – not just for cooking any longer

2.  Pitching ball machine lobbing grenades – very messy but oh-so-satisfying

1.  This one truly is my favorite – an epoxy gun. Oh you bet darlings. You can close up some holes in a jiffy.

Get the idea about the series? Hmmm… let’s take a taste of my upcoming release –

Fuchsia Hot Pants & Pink Lemonade

EXCERPT

He’d waited long enough and had exactly what he needed to finish the job. While this was the best part of what he was required to do, he was still antsy tonight. He loved the nighttime hours and the fact he was able to select his instruments with the sheer precision of a surgeon and the pay was damn good, but there were times he longed for a real career. One that could possibly give him the promise of retirement and not the way he knew his boss meant on a given day. He opened his window and pitched out the fourth candy wrapper, making a promise to himself to have a salad the next day, and started the engine.

The putter and sputter of the old engine groaned to life. He slapped the steering wheel and hissed. Yeah, so the clunker was good cover but he never thought he’d see himself in a 1975 classic POS. The technical term always gave him a chuckle. He put on his ah-shucks-boy attitude, slapped on the ball cap for cover and he was nothing more than an aging good ole boy out for a joy ride. Of course minus the beers and the hot girls. Yeah. Hot girls his ass.

Snorting, he turned off the radio and drove in silence to the last road on the main strip. The setting was beautifully landscaped, very secluded, posh and the perfect location for a murder. The community only half way completed, there were very few people living in the condominium. All the better to kill you with, my pretties. Laughing out loud, he drove through slowly, keeping his low beams on in the darkness and surveyed the area. There were very few lights on. As he parked on the service road, located behind all the units, he glanced over at his necessities. This one was going to be fun.

Shutting off the engine, he climbed out of the truck and whistled Old Dixie as he grabbed his bag. To anyone in the community he was simply coming home from a hard day at the office. If they only knew his office contained a full cabinet of ammunition, enough power tools to build a fortress and copious numbers of medieval tools. Most of them had been taken out for a chop or two. Except for the gutting knives. He’d been longing to use of them since he’d found the collection at a Star Trek convention over the spring. Oh well. There was plenty of time and too many kills. He’d have the opportunity – or make one.

Grinning, he continued on his path, knowing exactly where he was going. When he made it to the back door he glanced up and down the street before pulling out one of his favorite little tools and one that had gotten him out of prison. Seconds later he let himself inside.

He heard the television blaring and almost laughed out loud. This was going to be too easy. As he set his bag down in the back room and unzipped the zipper, he thought about the good ole days of planning a decent murder. It was simply pull out a gun or a machete and kill someone and if you dumped the body well enough, none the wiser. Now a days with crack pot detectives and DNA evidence, he had to be more careful, more creative in his kills. His monthly subscription to Serial Killer Nightly was well worth the $29.95 price tag and damn if he hadn’t honed his skills to near perfection.

Granted, the last kill was a little gruesome but if the man hadn’t of tried to drag his half dead ass off the table before the plunge saw cut into him then everything would have been alright. Oh, the memories were delicious indeed. This was would be less messy because of the circumstances and suited him just fine for the time being. The next four would be a little bit more fun. He had four more nights to complete the operation so there was plenty of time. A body a day kept the doctor away… Yep. He should have been a stand up comedian.

With stealth like maneuvers he moved into the darkened hallway toward the sound of the television. He could also hear a light snoring noise coming from the overstuffed and horrendously ugly plain chair positioned smack in front of what had to be a fifty-five inch LCD television and a brand new one at that. Salivating over the beautiful creation, he made a promise to himself to pick one up after receiving his next paycheck.

He walked around the chair and in truth wanted to wake the old guy up. What fun was it killing people when they didn’t run like scared rabbits? He could remember a time when… Eh, it was time to get it over with. He could head back to the shop, handle the mummification and make it to his corner bar before last call. The plan made, he raised the hard instrument over his head and as he brought it down squarely on top of the man’s noggin, he could swear he heard popping noises. There was nothing like hearing the sounds of brittle bones snapping like twigs to fill him full of such joy.

He landed another blow for good measure, cause he was that kind of guy, and looked around at the once prominent citizen. Yep. The guy was dead as a doornail. As he stood admiring his work for several seconds he grew hungry. Killing always made him ravenous. Grabbing his Swiss Army knife, he peeled back the tough plastic packaging and swore at the idiots who made shrink-wrap. He cut off several pieces of the hard salami and when he placed the first piece in his mouth, he groaned. Damn he loved a good Italian sausage.

When he’d finished the entire long link, he burped and then admonished himself for eating so much. A diet was definitely in order. Slinging the man over his shoulder, he selected a Tony Bennett song to sing to as he headed for the truck. God, he loved his work.

SYNOPSIS

Nicky was sick and tired of hearing about the stench of garbage from the landfill across from Leopard’s Pointe. So sick in fact she scheduled a meeting with Skylorn Landfill’s owner, Bruno Carletti. When Nicky found out all five members of the Board of Leopard’s Pointe, laying dead in the muck near the edge of the landfill, she headed for Mick’s bar and a kiss of the Irish from her partner, Tyler. Now it went without question that the Board wasn’t going to be successful in shutting down Skylorn’s operation. But the question was–did the owner of the tiny trash company know what was going on?

And then there’s the hot twin from Sampson Wright Development, Parker Barrington, who wasn’t only a suspect in the murders, but a known associate with the Italian Trash Cartel. As Nicky and Tyler start trying to solve the murders, mysterious sewage finds its way into every home in the Leopard’s Point, the area’s most upscale condominium community. Needless to say, everyone is in a cranky mood.

When the landscaper is accused of maiming the Grounds Committee Chair with a weed eater, things go from bad to worse in the blink of an eye. And just as Nicky and Tyler they have it all figured out, the local ice cream truck begins selling drugs next to the rocket pops and fudge bars. It’s amazing what you can buy for $4.99 Then there’s the trash dump right outside their front gate. So what’s a community manager to do? Buy spandex and pray for a miracle.

I hope you enjoyed and oh, we won’t talk about the Pink BB Gun – that’s something you’ll have to find out about in this story…

ENJOY A SAUCY VIDEO

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0DY8owzC3A

 

Ciao

Dakotah

I absolutely love animals and am blessed right now to own two furry creatures who take over my bed and my life. In real life I have MacGyver and yes he was named for the rather famous actor/television in the 80’s. The guy could do almost anything with duct tape including making a bomb. You have to lover the guy. My little hero is similar – well, okay so he can’t make a bomb but he can do many other things.

He’s my little comic relief and when I was putting together the PINKED series I know I had to have a pump smack in the heart of my book and the real life personality was placed throughout. He was “born” so to speak in the second book and is proudly owned by my heroine and community manager, Nicky French. He’s adorable of course and adds comic relief. That’s one thing I love to do – add comedy to this piece. It’s funny as I write in several genres and of course I have the most fun with this one. Now you have to consider when you put animals into pieces things like – you can’t have them not be taken out unless you have a doggy door. They will get into mischief so add that in and what about food and water? It’s different.

So, I’m working on the third in the series and one day was looking at a sporting goods store add and notice an honest to God pink BB gun and you know I just had to put it in the middle of my piece. Can’t help myself. Imagine if the pup decided to tangle with say a cat or perhaps a skunk and our heroine knew how to take care of the situation…

Take a taste of Fuchsia Hot Pants and Pink Lemonade

Perhaps the stunned look in Tyler’s face was the best of the evening and then she he’d heroically tackled her to keep her out of the vicious jaws, priceless. She sighed as she thought about the odd guy living in the place. Granted, her personal records about the association members she kept at the house weren’t always update and by the time she got home she was blurry eyed, but the information not found was weird. She was definitely going to take a trip to Leopard’s Pointe and go back to the street where the murder had occurred. And she was going to talk to the guards to find out why the dump trunks had been in the community. Her sixth sense was working overtime.

Woof! Woof!

MacGyver’s rather agitated bark brought her back to reality. Slowly she eased out of bed, feeling every muscle as it screamed she’d had a hundred and eighty pound man drop his full weight on her – and not for anything kinky. She plodded into the living room and sighed. “And what are you staring at?”

MacGyver tipped his head and in his own way smiled before licking his lips. Drool dripped from his muzzle in such an egregious fashion she knew he was chomping at the bit to get at something.

“What? What do you see, boy?” Nicky walked to the back door and peered outside. While she couldn’t see anything with her human eye, she knew he thought there was something tasty outside.

Woof! Woof! Emitting a keening growl, he lowered his head and pinned his eyes on a clump of bushes nestled against the back of the fence.

“Do we have a furry friend out there, sweetie?” If the neighbor’s cat had made it into her yard again she was going to be pissed.

MacGyver snarled and dropped his head further.

She padded the top of his head. “It’s okay. Let me make coffee and then I’ll let you outside.” The second she walked away from the door he growled and continued growling and the barked. “Ssshhh…” Normally her golden was good as gold, except for eating the batch of poison and cumming on her pillow so that Mick would know who the man of the house was, but besides the little incidents, MacGyver was for all practical purposes perfect. Then again, she was a mommy dog.

He quieted down for a minute but as soon as she made it into the kitchen he started racing back and forth from the French doors to the low window in the den. Back and forth he paced, yapping and barking, over and over again until Nicky couldn’t take it any longer. “Enough!” Shaking her head, she stalked toward the back door and flung it open. “Go hunting, my sweet boy.”

Hunting? It was more like ripping apart the yard almost instantly and during flashes of fur and something else, she could tell a cat was baiting her baby bad. She hated the damn rodent like creature her down the street neighbors owned. What to get the little fur ball with to finally be rid of him. Debating, she longed for something beautiful like a rifle or Uzi but no such luck. Still, she raced into the kitchen and turned in a full circle as the sounds of MacGyver barking and the cat shrieking filled the morning air.

Stopping short, she couldn’t help but smile. She whistled as she walked toward the hall closet. When she’d received the gift from her entire Board at Christmas she really wanted to take the hunk of steel and plastic and shove it somewhere warm, but perhaps it was a women she could literally wrap her hands around. She opened the door and jerked down the box. Staring at the picture, she burst into laughter.

Who would have ever thought they’d actually make a pink BB Gun and that anyone would sell it. Leave it to all the major sporting goods stores. They number was a hot seller. She grabbed the clip, slapped it into the gun and stared down at it for several seconds until MacGyver started howling. “That’s it. Cat. You are mine.”

When she made it outside she could see nothing but MacGyver’s big butt stuck in the air. He must have cornered the skinny cat in the corner. “I’m coming, baby.” Nicky closed the distance and stood with her feet apart. Holding up the gun in a fully arm locked position, she couldn’t quite help but feel like Sylvestor Stallone in one of his movies, his earlier movies. “Move, MacGyver. It’s time for mommy to take care of this.”

As MacGyver reluctantly moved, she tipped her head back and cocked the hammer. Eyeing the furry creature, she issued a dark and foreboding die-you-mother-fucker chuckle just seconds before she realized she was staring into the cold, ugly eyes of one big, black and white shunk.

Spew!
“Fuck!” The second the spray hit her face Nicky jerked the gun up and heard it go off. As MacGyver yelped and woofed and jumped back allowing her the full spray, she was blinded by the harsh juice and as the wild myriad of sounds from crashing and banging to an intense scream came from the other side of the fence, she realized perhaps picking up the bb gun wasn’t her finest hour.

 

I hope you enjoyed

Ciao  xxx

Dakotah

BAD BEHAVIOR

Posted: February 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

Now you know what I’m talkin’ about. 

Hmmm… We’ve all done it, haven’t we? We fight and throw tantrums and aren’t certain why we do them. We’ve all seen it happen and the sad thing is that it’s occurring more and more lately and I think based on the Internet and the fact you can hide behind a computer screen so easily. I’ve coined a phrase and one I use in the Pinked Series – called being in the sandbox. You know what I mean, children playing and fighting because they can’t get their way. It’s funny when you think about it but it isn’t. I’ve seen some of the worst behavior in managing associations than I’ve seen anywhere. From people making fun of others to stabbing people in the back – it’s crazy. I’ve had tomatoes thrown at me because I was sitting next to a developer who wouldn’t spend his money to put in a playground. I’ve had screaming battles where the police had to be called. I’ve had to hire off duty security officers to stand at an annual meeting. And you might be thinking, these must be degenerate people. No. They are doctors and lawyers and accountants and the upper crust of society. Give you a little bit to think about?

My favorite thing is to have people who have little or bad memories to try and push the blame off on others. Case in point – my husband and I manage a small community of mostly older folks and the Board Treasurer (who in my opinion is a pompous ass who gets a little thrill saying my name wrong every time) never writes down notes and when he’s told something at least five times he continues to have that doe eyed look. Then when the situation seems to be calmed down he tends to fly off the handle in an email – conveniently sent OVER the weekend maligning management. It’s a favorite past time in associations. People love to use the managers as scapegoats. Happens far too often.

People living in situations really don’t think of managers as people who are trying to work for them. They sometimes are retired and have nothing better to do so they pick and pick at a situation and enjoy bringing it out in the open. The Treasurer doesn’t have the balls to really say something because he knows he’s wrong so he blind copies of emails to other board members. Now, in my book that’s slimy at best and childish in the least. Give me a break. We as managers aren’t trying to ruin your life living in your home and I know how important it is to you. We certainly don’t get paid to be your punching bag and we don’t get paid well at all. None of us do in the industry.

But we are trying to work together, all of us, to provide care and workmanship hopefully in a positive manner. Do you know how many times I’ve been screamed at, threatened at gun point, threatened in a lawsuit and banished off properties? What…just because I’m walking around as directed by the Board to find out how everything is going. If you think I’m kidding – nope. You ask, why would you do it? Can I say… I don’t have a real answer for that except when my husband and I opened our company we really thought caring and giving more was going to matter. WRONG.

You give more and people take more. That’s the way of the world. While we aren’t required to take calls after hours unless it’s an emergency, the email is 24/7 and most people think you’re sitting around waiting to answer them – weekends, holidays, you name it. I can’t get my husband not to answer and it’s stressful when people so thoroughly enjoy maligning you. It’s not professional and we do take it personally.

If you’re in an association or on a Board of Directors – just stop and think for once. Be kind and nice and actually stop to listen to the spewing of the mouth you’re doing. It’ll be much better for the community and you are trying to lead by example. Aren’t you? Sandbox behavior. We’ve all seen it and trust me we will continue seeing it. I’m lucky in that writing the Pinked series gives me a little outlet but trust me when I say – a lot of the stories are real, just embellished a bit but the types of bad behavior in my books really do occur. At least I get to kill them off with weedeaters in the stories!

Hope you enjoyed…

Ciao   xxx

Dakotah

Maybe… I do have one hot little romance moment in the middle of Pinked and it happens  to be a sizzling moment with Nicky French and my sexy Aussie. It’s perfect for the Valentine Day Hop and this fabulous day so step back and enjoy a very sexy taste of love.

PINKED – REBEL INK PRESS

BLURB

When Community Association Manager Nicky French received a call about one of her communities in the middle of the night, she knew something serious was up. Finding the developer of Leopard’s Pointe impaled on the iron pool gates surrounded by a sea of inflatable pink flamingoes, Nicky was stunned to find bonfires raging and the community rejoicing. William Barrington was the brilliant designer of the upscale multi-use community, yet apparently everyone wanted him dead. And there were too many suspects to name including every single homeowner in the community and his two sons.

For rough and tumble Detective Tyler Deverall to be called to a scene of a murder in the middle of the night was nothing unusual. And given the only thing keeping the owners from partying all night long and celebrating thus hindering his investigation was Nicky French’s tough stance, Tyler was intrigued.

As Nicky and Tyler set out to find the murderer, builders begin to drop like flies with each murder becoming more horrific and comical than the last. Set against the backdrop of Chesterfield County, Virginia, enter the realm (and sometimes nightmare) of one very special homeowner’s association – where living can be dangerous to your health. As Nicky and Tyler delve into the wild world of spray painted flowers, kinky sex, neon signs and a tango with the mafia, they soon learn that their understanding of humanity will never be the same. Who knew a glue gun could be such an effective murder weapon?

 EXCERPT

The dream had been fantastic. A hot male body pressed against hers driving her insane all night long. She yawned and sighed. Nothing like waking up to a wanton wicked little dream to get your blood pumping in the morning.

Nicky stretched, unable to move. Licking her parched lips she sighed contentedly. And felt a hard body next to hers, arms curled around her waist.

What the? Her eyes flew open and the hit of sunlight cascaded down slicing through her brain in tiny pinpricks of hell. Where was she? More importantly, who the hell was she with? She eased away from the body with the barest hint of movement. Their legs were so entwined together and his thighs so heavy on hers, she wondered how she’d been able to breathe. Holding her breath she gained an inch or two at a time away from him.

Nicky closed her eyes and crawled two feet away, just giving herself enough room to turn around. She bit her lip and prayed silently. Her eyes fluttered open and she gawked. He was resting quietly, his long blond hair cascading over the most gorgeous set of pecs she’d laid eyes on. The heavenly sight of his beautiful chiseled face lying so quietly on the fluffy white pillow was nothing short of a dream — a long wet dream but not possibly reality. Mick, oh shit!

Nicky stared down at the heart of the man, her pussy quivering. Lordy lordy he was naked as the day was long. His perfect legs were not real. There was no way. Sculpted and carved, he was picture perfect. Yummy. She had no idea Mick looked this good. His stomach was tight and the soft hairs…the soft…pubic hairs framed a…holy shit! Nicky blushed and tried to keep from panting. He was half hard and the half that was, was…incredible.

Sucking in her breath, she fought her raging nerves. My God, did men honest to God look like this? Oh yeah baby. She bit her lip and fought the terrible urge to scream and cry. Then after that, plant a kiss on that hot, large number. Nicky was more than thrilled until reality hit her hard and heavy. She was naked. Glancing around the room it seemed a hurricane hit the inside of the house. More like a tornado clothes were strewn everywhere. Her lacy bra was draped over the top of the lamp next to the bed.

She couldn’t help but wonder why it hadn’t started a fire. Maybe they had lights on, maybe they didn’t. Oh fuck. She was in serious trouble. Sheets were ripped off the bed and left crumpled in a corner. His pants were…well, they were somehow positioned over several ceiling fan blades. And damn if she didn’t remember that experience. She had probably the best sex of her life with a heavenly Aussie that made Russell Crowe look like a two bit boy and she didn’t remember it?

Cursing silently, Nicky raked her hands through her hair. Oh my God! Hair? Hell, she wore a bird’s nest on top of her head. What had they done, had sex like wild animals? Gazing down the length of her body, her gaze settled on the black and blue bruise building on her thigh.  A strong wafting scent of sex permeated the room. Jesus! Sweet mother Mary, they’d fucked like wild animals.

What the hell was she going to do? She stared down at Mick, desire sweeping over her body. That was not supposed to happen. How did it happen? Sucking in a deep breath Nicky remembered Tyler leaving with Thorne and then she had a couple of drinks. Then her mind flashed to Froggy’s insane grin. Had they supped up her drinks? Did she care? She sighed and tried to figure out what time it was. Jesus, it was Thursday and she knew she had to be at work.

Sorry boss, I forgot to come in because I was fucking a gorgeous God all night long and I don’t remember a thing, let along I’m sore from the intensity of our playtime. Closing her eyes her statement was the truth. Her cunt was damn sore and she loved the feeling.

Aarrgghh!  She eased off the bed. Okay, so if she was in Mick’s bed then her car was not there, wherever she was. Sliding into the bathroom, Nicky groaned as she gazed into the mirror. The morning sunlight reflected her wild look. Holy cow. Whatever sex acts they performed, she was infused with sex and sticky from it. Passion was written all over her. Oh my lordy. Closing her eyes, she steeled her nerves before freshening up.  What was she supposed to do and how insulted was he going to be that she couldn’t remember that perfect cock of his?

She fought raging laughter just hearing what Ruby will say to her. You don’t remember a moment of that gorgeous hunk buried inside of you? Are you crazy?

Maybe she was. Splashing water in her face, she attempted to smooth her hair, gulping air as she tried to gather courage. Nicky gripped the counter and remained right where she was standing for at least five full minutes.

Throwing caution to the wind, she threw open the door. “Oh shit!”

Mick grinned. “That’s not exactly what you said last night. No, I think it was more like oh fuck do it again.” His dancing blue eyes raked down her body.

Nicky bit her lip and couldn’t resist the urge to stare at his now fully erect dick. Well, they had been intimate after all. Hadn’t they? God, he took studly to an entirely salacious level. My, my, what she could do to him and with him. The thoughts were so wicked. Why couldn’t she remember?

Chuckling, Mick handed her a small glass. “Here, luv. I think we both need this.”

Nicky bit her lip and took a sip. The orange juice was freshly squeezed. She sighed and gulped the tangy liquid. Yes, he was right but Nicky needed more than just the juice.

He leaned in for a kiss.

“Whoa, big man. I…well…”

“Nicky, we had sex like five times last night. The last time I thought you had killed me you rode me so hard. I think one kiss is in order.”

Five times?”

“Oh holy shit. You don’t remember? Do you?”

She frowned.

He laughed. “My goodness, not that I’m bragging, but I’ve never had this happen before.”

Nicky gulped her oj and bit her lip. “Sorry, Mick.” Her eyes wandered to his cock once again. Shit. Shit. Shit. He caught her blatant stare. What was wrong with her? She wanted him. Oh she felt like a naughty little girl.

“Come back to bed with me, Nicky.” Taking her hand, it wasn’t a request.

She stared into his dazzling eyes. “Why?”

“Why? You are seriously asking me why after what we… How about this, why don’t I show you what last night was? Now, I’m not sure I can get it up five more times right now. You banged the hell out of me, but…”

God his evil grin turned her on. “Um…”

Mick took the glasses out of their hands and placed them down onto the counter. “Oh no you don’t my luv.” Mick swept her into his arms and forced her legs around his waist. “I’m going to remind you why you’ll want to do this me with every morning and every night.” He threw her down on the bed and blazed a long trail down the length of her body with wildly hungry eyes.

Nicky pursed her lips, her gaze locking on his throbbing cock. Was his big creature going to fit inside her tight little pussy? She giggled remembering that he had already been there, so many times.

Mick knelt on the bed and smiled. “You ready for me, luv? I mean really ready?”

“Uh-huh.”

Like I’m said – I love me some Aussie men! I hope you enjoyed and don’t forget to stop by all the other sites!

Ciao  xxx

Dakotah

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And I would kill them if I were Nicky by alas she can’t. Another day of the Valentine’s Day Hop so let’s take a taste of how Nicky has to face every day!

THE FLAMINGO WRANGLER – REBEL INK PRESS

BLURB

Mick St. Simons thought his day couldn’t get any worse. Unwanted and God knew unneeded Leopard’s Pointe Board members suddenly appeared, drinking shots of tequila while the entire Virginia Beach Society of Harley Riders camped in the middle of his bar, The Flamingo Rustler. But when he heard the massive explosion across the street and his bar became an immediate association clubhouse, he knew his day had turned to shit.

For Nicky French and Tyler Deverall, it was just another day at the office. Blown to bits by sources unknown, the center of the community and the beloved clubhouse affectionately called the “Zoo”, the Board demanded answers and they had to come fast. As hints of a mafia hit showered the airwaves, the community is placed on edge and takes matters into their own hands. Keeping the peace wasn’t a problem. Keeping the owners away from guns, battery powered hedge trimmers, poison and fire extinguishers was.

And when a much loved long term community leader ends up in the pool naked with a hooker and a bag full of drugs, well, all bets were off. As Mick struggles to regain his bar and Nicky and Tyler battle a possible drug lord, more bodies wash up literally. And then there’s the issue of pink silk panties. The clues are plenty and the suspects abound and somehow, the nights seem to grow wilder.

 

EXCERPT

Nicky French eyed the Leopard’s Point Association Board of Directors and resisted using her purse in a dangerous fashion. But dear God she could see pummeling one or all of them for blatant disregard to intelligence. Why in the hell were they arguing in the middle of July about Christmas decorations? Sighing, she looked out the clubhouse window at the contention of homeowners romping in the pool and squinted before shaking her head and stealing a glance at her watch. It wasn’t quite eight thirty and the cusp of yet another humid evening was baring down on Chesterfield County Virginia but she could see clearly enough. There were naked men in the pool. “What the fuck?

“What did you say, Nicky?” the man asked as he gazed down the length of the six foot table.

Nicky eyed Ray Switzer, the now somewhat infamous Board President of perhaps the swankiest and most well known community association in the entire state of Virginia, and gave him her best rendition of a naughty girl smile. There was something almost comforting about having naked people in a community pool while the zookeepers droned on and on about what she considered to be fairly useless details in life. But since they’d spent nearly forty minutes on arguing about the types of decorations that should or shouldn’t be allowed in the community she knew it was damn important to the five thousand or so homeowners living within the gated community. Right?

God she longed to flee the building before she turned into a pumpkin. They were halfway through the Board meeting agenda and she knew damn good and well the entire group could spend a solid hour on delinquencies alone. Nicky craved a drink, a good lay and a new job. And not necessarily in that order. Tapping her foot against the metal table leg she absently eyed the door that seemed so damn far away. Sadly between the five board members staring at her like she was fresh prey to the forty or so homeowners snuggling into metal chairs hugging the perimeter of the clubhouse living room there was nowhere to run to. “Nothing, Ray. Sorry. And you were saying?” Maybe another damn good murder with something like a weed eater or tree chipper would help the idiots think about anything else but their dying libidos and challenging every creative idea.

Oh yeah, she was dreaming of pink elephants again.

Before any of the Board members had a chance to give a smart retort the door burst open and Patricia Lonestar swaggered into the room in her floor length fur coat.

Nicky fought dropping her head to the table and beating some sense into her brain. If only she had a gun…  Hell, that wouldn’t do any good with the crazies. There was something not quite right about the aging plump woman who had the personality of an alligator and the look of a shark. And wearing a fur coat in the middle of summer was nothing more than her way of shoving down the throats of all the little wannabe’s in the community she had money and they didn’t.

And she the woman couldn’t pay her association fees to save her life. Who the hell couldn’t fork out eighty dollars a month? Nicky knew it was more about her solidarity with something and no one wanted to get close enough with her to find out. Between pink flamingos flying at half staff in the community, a solid five percent refusing to pay their fees and the committees who enjoyed torturing… er tormenting people in the community Nicky was surprised anyone could smile. Narrowing her eyes, she stared at the ugly bulldog who somehow reminded her of Patricia. Same ugly demeanor. Same ugly scowl. Same facial structure. At least the dog’s fur coat was somehow better suited and better fitted.

“That lying bitch is going to die!” Holding out her shaking hand Patricia hissed as she foamed at the mouth and pointed directly at Nicky, her eyes full of rage.

Gasping, Betty Monroe, the Vice President and forty’s harlot wannabe chomped her gum and gazed down the table at Nicky. “You have yet another fan, Nicky.”

“Patricia, member voice is over,” Ray snarled.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass about protocol and you know it. I’ve come to deal with the nasty letters that woman continues to send me. You need to fire her.” Throwing her head back Patricia snuffed as she stuck her two fingers in her mouth and whistled.

“And not much couth either,” he said under his breath.

Nicky smiled and snuck a quick glance at the association’s Treasurer, Michael Jones. Somehow she longed for him to be in a garish leather get up instead of khaki’s and a polo. She had a feeling a Master Dom would stop Patricia in her tracks. “Patricia, what can we do for you?” Maybe going across the street to the local bar and grill, The Flamingo Rustler would be in order. A drink or five and a moment to flirt with the best looking Aussie in town would do her some good.

“You say I haven’t paid my bills!” Patricia snapped as she sashayed forward.

     Here it comes. Nicky shook her head as she could see Ray opening his mouth to retort. Don’t do it. Don’t… But the man refused to listen to rules or anything else. As what could only be described as a chauffeur on steroids glided into the clubhouse she tried to envision being anywhere else like her OB-GYN with her legs spread wide or perhaps waiting in line, a long line at a Wal-mart. Wait, she’d never go into a damn Wal-mart. But still, anywhere and as she kinda heard the woman going off about how she could buy all of Richmond with striking a check and how she had more money than God and that Nicky was going to burn in hell for lying…  Every day she asked herself the same question, why did she work so hard to achieve the highest designation of PCAM in the country?

Instead of professional community association manager the four simple letters should stand for premier crass asshole methodology. At least the thought gave her a smile. Glancing at the overweight woman foaming at the mouth, she resisted giggling. Inhaling deeply she pretended to write down everything the woman was screeching about but somehow the little man who was pouring what had to be a martini for his boss or perhaps dominatrix was a little distracting. Would jumping over the front aisle and ripping the drink out of the man’s hand be considered in poor taste?

“Just tell us what you want as we have a long agenda ahead of us and I know we would all like to get home before midnight at least,” Ray said as he nodded to the other board members.

Midnight? Nicky snaked her hand down and grabbed her bottle of water. She hadn’t won the debate with her inner wild child about replacing the sixteen ounces with vodka but next time she would know better.

“I’ve come to pay my bill. I can do that here, can’t it?”

There was something about the wry grin on the woman’s face that troubled Nicky. “Of course you can. We can certainly talk about this in private later and I’ll give you the total amount so you can write a check if you like.”

Swirling her drink Patricia grinned before licking the rim. “I have things to do later this glorious evening and I know how much I owe to the penny. Are you ready?”

There was no doubt in Nicky’s mind the evening was going to be long and drawn out. Before she could say anything Ray simply beckoned for her as he huffed.

“Bring it up and then we can get on with the meeting.”

Nicky glanced at Ray and closed her eyes yet she could hear Patricia chuckling. Why hadn’t she gotten the cat-scan earlier? As the bulldog woofed she opened one eye just in time to see the dog take a crap in the middle of the floor.

“Happy to,” Patricia breathed. “Oh Poo Bear! That wasn’t nice. Ricky, please clean this up.”

Seeing Patricia’s chauffer scuttle away like a rat gave Nicky pause. She sorted through her papers and attempted to look busy as other members of the association cackled in the audience.

“God damn it can’t you take care of that rat ass bastard?” Ray snipped.

“Your dog is here too, Ray?” Betty asked as she laughed.

“Un-fucking-believable,” Nicky said through clenched teeth.

Betty slapped her hand. “We have to laugh honey or we’d all go insane.”

Who was the woman kidding? They were already insane.

“Let’s get back to business. Now Nicky, can you at least get us two proposals for the Christmas decorations by next week? We can call a special board meeting to decide,” Ray snorted as he slapped the top of the table.

“Special board meeting? Are you fucking out of your mind? These are long enough at once a month.”

For once Nicky had to agree with Sally. Probably the most hated woman in the community, she rarely said anything but boy she took copious notes.  “You’ll have three and we don’t need a board meeting as long as you all agree on the vendor.”

“Perfect. Then it’s settled. Let’s move on to the clubhouse painting contracts.”

Nicky groaned and concentrated on watching Ricky clean up the dog shit. The act was somehow so damn appropriate.

“Oh Ricky. Please get Poo Bear and I our chairs,” Patricia said as she wagged her finger. “And another martini.”

Nicky opened her mouth and was startled nothing came out. Had she lost her nerve? Or was she just mildly out of her mind?

I don’t know if I would leave home without a gun!

Hope you enjoyed – stop by tomorrow and don’t forget to comment and visit the other sites!

Ciao   xxx

Dakotah

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