What? You Live in a Community Association?

Are you nuts? That’s the premise around my PINKED series. I manage community associations and I can TELL you without a doubt that you see some of the worst in people of any other profession, including when I was a caterer. They all think they know better than me. So I decided to bring you stories that are actually some based on truth and I just kick them up a bit so I can kill people creatively. So in honor of Rebel Ink Press’ HUGE two year anniversary celebration, all of our titles are 25% off at ARe – All Romance e-books. What a better way to start the collection. I just had a release with one of the heroes of the story – Through the Eyes of a Golden – and a Golden Retriever is a main character throughout. See what you think…

PINKED

Where community association living is dangerous to your health

BLURB

When Community Association Manager Nicky French received a call about one of her communities in the middle of the night, she knew something serious was up. Finding the developer of Leopard’s Pointe impaled on the iron pool gates surrounded by a sea of inflatable pink flamingoes, Nicky was stunned to find bonfires raging and the community rejoicing. William Barrington was the brilliant designer of the upscale multi-use community, yet apparently everyone wanted him dead. And there were too many suspects to name including every single homeowner in the community and his two sons.

For rough and tumble Detective Tyler Deverall to be called to a scene of a murder in the middle of the night was nothing unusual. And given the only thing keeping the owners from partying all night long and celebrating thus hindering his investigation was Nicky French’s tough stance, Tyler was intrigued.

As Nicky and Tyler set out to find the murderer, builders begin to drop like flies with each murder becoming more horrific and comical than the last. Set against the backdrop of Chesterfield County, Virginia, enter the realm (and sometimes nightmare) of one very special homeowner’s association – where living can be dangerous to your health. As Nicky and Tyler delve into the wild world of spray painted flowers, kinky sex, neon signs and a tango with the mafia, they soon learn that their understanding of humanity will never be the same. Who knew a glue gun could be such an effective murder weapon?

 

EXCERPT

“Nicky! Your God damned beefcake hotshot developer has managed to get his fat ass impaled on the pool gates. Now I’ve got blood everywhere and people screaming. What are you going to do about it?” The gravelly chastising voice bellowed like a bull in a china shop, insistent and imploring. The man was cranky as hell.

And it pissed the bejesus out of her. “Who the hell are you?” Nicky French fumbled in the dark trying to make sense of why in God’s name she had answered the phone at all in the middle of the night. She sat up. The blood bammed against her forehead so hard it was like tiny and very noisy munchkin men were inside her brain beating to the tune of Michael Jackson’s Beat It.

She thrashed in the direction of the phone and her hand slamming into something. The crash was loud enough to wake the dead. “Holy fuck!”

“What do you mean who is this? Get a grip girl! Do your job! This is Ray!”

Nicky struggled with the covers that had captured her like a prisoner of war, tumbled out of bed and fell directly onto her face. “Ray who?”

“Your God damned Board President. That’s who! You know, the one your lousy firm works for?”

Nicky fought her way to the bathroom, cordless phone still in her hand. Ray Switzer. Oh yeah. Famous in his mind anyway. The cranky old guy ran — and she merely thought the words with a chagrin on her face — ran the Board at Leopard’s Pointe, the Premiere Community Association in Chesterfield. Yeah right. She growled. “Ah…Ray. Why exactly are you calling me again in the middle of the night?”

“Are you deaf, girl? The damn developer’s down here on the top of the pool gates. Fucker’s dead as a damn doornail. Causing quite a stir too I might add. Shit woman, I think a party’s ready to break out. Hold on! Marge – stop that. You can’t take pictures with a dead man for Christ’s sake!” Huffing and puffing rumbled through the phone.

Nicky heard muffled excited voices that had to be hovering directly behind Ray. God, the man drove her absolutely nuts. No, the freaking community drove her nuts. That’s because only nut cases lived there. Yep, her favorite saying remained in the forefront of her mind. You move into a community association, check your brains at the door. Hush girl! Association Management is your chosen profession. Remember?

“No! It won’t make good newsletter material! Sorry Nicky. Damn these women drive me crazy!” Ray huffed.

Who the hell was he talking to? “So are you serious, Ray? Is there really a dead man’s body somewhere in the community?” Groaning, Nicky stabbed at the light. The florescent beams hit her squarely in the eyes. She winced and her head bounced to the moon. Damn! She shouldn’t have had that last fuzzy nipple or pink navel or whatever the hell Ruby forced her to have. Her best friend could make a party out of anything.

“Dead as a damn heart attack, girl. And you wouldn’t believe the rest of it. Get the hell down here now! Oh holy hell! I gotta go, Fred’s bringing out the cheese whiz. Jesus H. Christ! Fred…Fred!”

“Ray. Ray!” Snarling, Nicky realized Ray hung up. She dropped the phone with a thud and held onto the bathroom counter. The entire world swooned by her like a bad case of the heebie jeebies. What the hell is the crazed old fool talking about? Somehow she doubted William Barrington the third – and she was required to address the retired ex-New York judge that way — was somehow nestled into the closed pool in the middle of the night. But then again, she found two kids in the back of the bathroom doing the nasty just last week. And the damned pool had been open what, a week?

Inhaling deeply, Nicky balled her fists and glared at herself in the mirror. She was thirty-one going on a hundred, easily. The damn community had aged her just in the last year alone. There was nothing like two separate cases of raw sewage spewing into several condominium units around a given holiday to boil your blood. She turned on the cool water and splashed a handful in her face remembering she wasn’t on call, not this month. Yet Ray baby knew all of her phone numbers and called her outside of business hours on a regular basis.

Nicky, why haven’t the pool chairs come in?

     Nicky, why aren’t we on budget for grounds care?

     Nicky, I can’t stand the damn painter. Can’t you fire him and hire another?

     Nicky… 

     Nicky!

 

The majority of the time Nicky felt like a battering ram for the entire community. Still, something was up. Ray wouldn’t call her unless something was going on in the melting pot of humans. The question was, was she sober enough to drive? She fumbled back into the bedroom and stared at the crimson bold-faced digital clock. Three am? How long have I been asleep, like an hour?

Why no officer. I haven’t had a thing to drink. Just going to visit the community I manage in the middle of the freaking night!

You betcha that excuse would fly. All the way to jail.

Growling, Nicky fumbled to find the clothes she slid out of barely an hour before. The lovely single nightcap turned into a round of heavy dirty dancing with some guy name Raul. Who the hell named their kid Raul and lived to talk about it? She was going to curse her Ruby Dettrix in the morning. She could still see the buxom woman batting her emerald green eyes and slicing her rich auburn hair over her shoulders as she pursed her lips, daring Nicky to join her. Just one drink girlfriend. It’ll be fun.

Four drinks later and a handful of phones numbers and Nicky was hot, horny and alone.

Realizing time was of the essence she threw on the same attire, a tight black leather skirt and scarlet polyester shirt that clung to every curve like a glove and shook her head. Boy, wasn’t she the picture of association management? Sadly, with three night meetings that week, she hadn’t managed to do laundry in a good ten days. Aarrgh! Huffing, Nicky brushed the golden strands back into a ponytail and rushed to put on a little make up, gazing at her reflection with disdain. “You look like hell in a hand basket.”

Giggling, Nicky imagined it was perfect for a murder scene. Jerking to a halt, she threw her hand over her mouth, frozen like a popsicle in Alaska. Murder? Was he serious? Not that she hadn’t thought about it before, given her profession, who wouldn’t? Still, murder in the community was unheard of. Had Ray said anything about calling the police? Shit, she could barely remember. She grabbed a bottle of water, her purse, keys and prayed to some God she’d make it from the West End to Chesterfield County in one piece.

THE FLAMINGO WRANGLER

BLURB

Mick St. Simons thought his day couldn’t get any worse. Unwanted and God knew unneeded Leopard’s Pointe Board members suddenly appeared, drinking shots of tequila while the entire Virginia Beach Society of Harley Riders camped in the middle of his bar, The Flamingo Rustler. But when he heard the massive explosion across the street and his bar became an immediate association clubhouse, he knew his day had turned to shit.

For Nicky French and Tyler Deverall, it was just another day at the office. Blown to bits by sources unknown, the center of the community and the beloved clubhouse affectionately called the “Zoo”, the Board demanded answers and they had to come fast. As hints of a mafia hit showered the airwaves, the community is placed on edge and takes matters into their own hands. Keeping the peace wasn’t a problem. Keeping the owners away from guns, battery powered hedge trimmers, poison and fire extinguishers was.

And when a much loved long term community leader ends up in the pool naked with a hooker and a bag full of drugs, well, all bets were off. As Mick struggles to regain his bar and Nicky and Tyler battle a possible drug lord, more bodies wash up literally. And then there’s the issue of pink silk panties. The clues are plenty and the suspects abound and somehow, the nights seem to grow wilder.

EXCERPT

 

Nicky French eyed the Leopard’s Point Association Board of Directors and resisted using her purse in a dangerous fashion. But dear God she could see pummeling one or all of them for blatant disregard to intelligence. Why in the hell were they arguing in the middle of July about Christmas decorations? Sighing, she looked out the clubhouse window at the contention of homeowners romping in the pool and squinted before shaking her head and stealing a glance at her watch. It wasn’t quite eight thirty and the cusp of yet another humid evening was baring down on Chesterfield County Virginia but she could see clearly enough. There were naked men in the pool. “What the fuck?”

“What did you say, Nicky?” the man asked as he gazed down the length of the six foot table.

Nicky eyed Ray Switzer, the now somewhat infamous Board President of perhaps the swankiest and most well known community association in the entire state of Virginia, and gave him her best rendition of a naughty girl smile. There was something almost comforting about having naked people in a community pool while the zookeepers droned on and on about what she considered to be fairly useless details in life. But since they’d spent nearly forty minutes on arguing about the types of decorations that should or shouldn’t be allowed in the community she knew it was damn important to the five thousand or so homeowners living within the gated community. Right?

God she longed to flee the building before she turned into a pumpkin. They were halfway through the Board meeting agenda and she knew damn good and well the entire group could spend a solid hour on delinquencies alone. Nicky craved a drink, a good lay and a new job. And not necessarily in that order. Tapping her foot against the metal table leg she absently eyed the door that seemed so damn far away. Sadly between the five board members staring at her like she was fresh prey to the forty or so homeowners snuggling into metal chairs hugging the perimeter of the clubhouse living room there was nowhere to run to. “Nothing, Ray. Sorry. And you were saying?” Maybe another damn good murder with something like a weed eater or tree chipper would help the idiots think about anything else but their dying libidos and challenging every creative idea.

Oh yeah, she was dreaming of pink elephants again.

Before any of the Board members had a chance to give a smart retort the door burst open and Patricia Lonestar swaggered into the room in her floor length fur coat.

Nicky fought dropping her head to the table and beating some sense into her brain. If only she had a gun…  Hell, that wouldn’t do any good with the crazies. There was something not quite right about the aging plump woman who had the personality of an alligator and the look of a shark. And wearing a fur coat in the middle of summer was nothing more than her way of shoving down the throats of all the little wannabe’s in the community she had money and they didn’t.

And she the woman couldn’t pay her association fees to save her life. Who the hell couldn’t fork out eighty dollars a month? Nicky knew it was more about her solidarity with something and no one wanted to get close enough with her to find out. Between pink flamingos flying at half staff in the community, a solid five percent refusing to pay their fees and the committees who enjoyed torturing… er tormenting people in the community Nicky was surprised anyone could smile. Narrowing her eyes, she stared at the ugly bulldog who somehow reminded her of Patricia. Same ugly demeanor. Same ugly scowl. Same facial structure. At least the dog’s fur coat was somehow better suited and better fitted.

“That lying bitch is going to die!” Holding out her shaking hand Patricia hissed as she foamed at the mouth and pointed directly at Nicky, her eyes full of rage.

Gasping, Betty Monroe, the Vice President and forty’s harlot wannabe chomped her gum and gazed down the table at Nicky. “You have yet another fan, Nicky.”

“Patricia, member voice is over,” Ray snarled.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass about protocol and you know it. I’ve come to deal with the nasty letters that woman continues to send me. You need to fire her.” Throwing her head back Patricia snuffed as she stuck her two fingers in her mouth and whistled.

“And not much couth either,” he said under his breath.

Nicky smiled and snuck a quick glance at the association’s Treasurer, Michael Jones. Somehow she longed for him to be in a garish leather get up instead of khaki’s and a polo. She had a feeling a Master Dom would stop Patricia in her tracks. “Patricia, what can we do for you?” Maybe going across the street to the local bar and grill, The Flamingo Rustler would be in order. A drink or five and a moment to flirt with the best looking Aussie in town would do her some good.

“You say I haven’t paid my bills!” Patricia snapped as she sashayed forward.

     Here it comes. Nicky shook her head as she could see Ray opening his mouth to retort. Don’t do it. Don’t… But the man refused to listen to rules or anything else. As what could only be described as a chauffeur on steroids glided into the clubhouse she tried to envision being anywhere else like her OB-GYN with her legs spread wide or perhaps waiting in line, a long line at a Wal-mart. Wait, she’d never go into a damn Wal-mart. But still, anywhere and as she kinda heard the woman going off about how she could buy all of Richmond with striking a check and how she had more money than God and that Nicky was going to burn in hell for lying…  Every day she asked herself the same question, why did she work so hard to achieve the highest designation of PCAM in the country?

Instead of professional community association manager the four simple letters should stand for premier crass asshole methodology. At least the thought gave her a smile. Glancing at the overweight woman foaming at the mouth, she resisted giggling. Inhaling deeply she pretended to write down everything the woman was screeching about but somehow the little man who was pouring what had to be a martini for his boss or perhaps dominatrix was a little distracting. Would jumping over the front aisle and ripping the drink out of the man’s hand be considered in poor taste?

“Just tell us what you want as we have a long agenda ahead of us and I know we would all like to get home before midnight at least,” Ray said as he nodded to the other board members.

Midnight? Nicky snaked her hand down and grabbed her bottle of water. She hadn’t won the debate with her inner wild child about replacing the sixteen ounces with vodka but next time she would know better.

“I’ve come to pay my bill. I can do that here, can’t it?”

There was something about the wry grin on the woman’s face that troubled Nicky. “Of course you can. We can certainly talk about this in private later and I’ll give you the total amount so you can write a check if you like.”

Swirling her drink Patricia grinned before licking the rim. “I have things to do later this glorious evening and I know how much I owe to the penny. Are you ready?”

There was no doubt in Nicky’s mind the evening was going to be long and drawn out. Before she could say anything Ray simply beckoned for her as he huffed.

“Bring it up and then we can get on with the meeting.”

Nicky glanced at Ray and closed her eyes yet she could hear Patricia chuckling. Why hadn’t she gotten the cat-scan earlier? As the bulldog woofed she opened one eye just in time to see the dog take a crap in the middle of the floor.

“Happy to,” Patricia breathed. “Oh Poo Bear! That wasn’t nice. Ricky, please clean this up.”

Seeing Patricia’s chauffer scuttle away like a rat gave Nicky pause. She sorted through her papers and attempted to look busy as other members of the association cackled in the audience.

“God damn it can’t you take care of that rat ass bastard?” Ray snipped.

“Your dog is here too, Ray?” Betty asked as she laughed.

“Un-fucking-believable,” Nicky said through clenched teeth.

Betty slapped her hand. “We have to laugh honey or we’d all go insane.”

Who was the woman kidding? They were already insane.

“Let’s get back to business. Now Nicky, can you at least get us two proposals for the Christmas decorations by next week? We can call a special board meeting to decide,” Ray snorted as he slapped the top of the table.

“Special board meeting? Are you fucking out of your mind? These are long enough at once a month.”

For once Nicky had to agree with Sally. Probably the most hated woman in the community, she rarely said anything but boy she took copious notes.  “You’ll have three and we don’t need a board meeting as long as you all agree on the vendor.”

“Perfect. Then it’s settled. Let’s move on to the clubhouse painting contracts.”

Nicky groaned and concentrated on watching Ricky clean up the dog shit. The act was somehow so damn appropriate.

“Oh Ricky. Please get Poo Bear and I our chairs,” Patricia said as she wagged her finger. “And another martini.”

Nicky opened her mouth and was startled nothing came out. Had she lost her nerve? Or was she just mildly out of her mind?

Could you live here?  I dunno

Hope you enjoyed and I have the purchase inks for  you…

Ciao

Dakotah

PURCHASE LINKS

https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-pinked-615560-148.html

https://www.omnilit.com/product-theflamingowrangler-667878-232.html

Your Dog Gets to Decide?

Yep. that’s the case in my very sassy and complicated world of PINKED. Nicky French is a woman after my own heart. She loves to be sassy and spontaneous and she’s ballsy and opinionated. For those who know the real girl in me behind Dakotah Black, that’s the kind of woman I am. Having said that, I also love animals so as you can imagine, I had to have a character in the series that is almost exactly like my real life pup, MacGyver. I even named him the same in the book.

MacGyver came to Nicky in a rather unconventional way. See she was kidnapped by a group of burley bikers who in truth were trying to protect her. Of course she didn’t know that at the time. Anyone, the dog kinda came along for the ride so to speak and after the event was all over (one that included a lot of dead bodies killed in creative methods) she adopted the pup. Immediately he became protective of her.

She also has two men vying for her complete affections including one very sexy and rugged cop, Tyler Deverall, who is a mainstay character and Mick St. Simon. Imagine all six foot four inches of blond hulking Aussie mass. MMM… While she’s actively dating both, she know she can’t continue to do that and just when she’s not certain how to decide, MacGyver does it for her. Now you aren’t going to know the decision until the next book in the series. Here’s the synopsis from the last one. See what you think.

FUCHSIA HOT PANTS AND PINK LEMONADE

Nicky was sick and tired of hearing about the stench of garbage from the landfill across from Leopard’s Pointe. So sick in fact she scheduled a meeting with Skylorn Landfill’s owner, Bruno Carletti. When Nicky found out all five members of the Board of Leopard’s Pointe, laying dead in the muck near the edge of the landfill, she headed for Mick’s bar and a kiss of the Irish from her partner, Tyler. Now it went without question that the Board wasn’t going to be successful in shutting down Skylorn’s operation. But the question was–did the owner of the tiny trash company know what was going on?

And then there’s the hot twin from Sampson Wright Development, Parker Barrington, who wasn’t only a suspect in the murders, but a known associate with the Italian Trash Cartel. As Nicky and Tyler start trying to solve the murders, mysterious sewage finds its way into every home in the Leopard’s Point, the area’s most upscale condominium community. Needless to say, everyone is in a cranky mood.

When the landscaper is accused of maiming the Grounds Committee Chair with a weed eater, things go from bad to worse in the blink of an eye. And just as Nicky and Tyler they have it all figured out, the local ice cream truck begins selling drugs next to the rocket pops and fudge bars. It’s amazing what you can buy for $4.99 Then there’s the trash dump right outside their front gate. So what’s a community manager to do? Buy spandex and pray for a miracle.

 Now see why Nicky needs a dog?

Contest time – tell me how a dog or cat has interfered with your date or a night of whoopie. The best and I get to select will receive a copy of any one of the Pinked Series.

Don’t forget to stop back by Rebel Reasoning to sneak a peek at the other creative blogs.

Ciao

Dakotah

My Muse MacGyver

I seemed to have hit a chord with my story about Golden Retrievers yesterday and I am SOOOOO glad. The truth is I could probably write stories and antics for years to come. My MacGyver even had a page on this blog notice. Granted, mommie dog has been terrible at putting anything new on and that’s going to stop. My personal muse sleeps at my feet or right by my chair pretty much several hours a day as I write and I reach down and pet him and can’t help but smile. He’s a small Golden, an English to be exact,
and can even fit on my lap – well kinda. LOL.

Throughout the day he’ll nudge me to take him out with his sister, a mix named Goldie Hawn. Yes, daddy named her – go figure. He has a special tennis ball times ten that he loves me to throw and he catches. It’s a nice break in the day and he is like a little boy. See? I could simply write about him. When I decided to put the very likeness of MacGyver in the Pinked Series, there have been nothing short of the antics that he does every day smack in the middle of the book. From chasing cats to being skunked (lordy that was fun right at five in the morning too) I’ll put a lot of his real personality into the mix.

He’s going to be a key player throughout as my hero and heroine, namely a sassy community association manager who takes no guff from anyone, and a real HE MAN (wannabe) cop who hates the community and loves the sexy woman to death, MacGyver is always in the mix to growl in ernest cause he’d rather have mommy all to himself. Then there’s the sexy bar owner who’s vying for her hand too. Well, leave it to MacGyver to decide who she’ll be with. Here’s the synopsis of what I’ve been working on for the 4th book – hopefully coming out in September and I’m dong more pup related stories too.

SHORT STRAWS, PONY BOTTLES & BC POWDER

Ah, the sweet thought of being with the man you love in a moment of pleasure and peace. Too bad the criminals were taking a day off. In the end, both Nicky and Tyler were going to call the wretched experience the honeymoon from hell. Not that Nicky didn’t relish the swell house loaned to them by her new brother in law that sat directly on the whitest of beaches in all of Virginia. No, that wasn’t the problem. The naked dead body floating in the swimming pool was. And with their DNA all over the dead body, somehow neither Nicky nor Tyler truly thought either the Virginia Beach Police or the Oceanside Association Board was going to believe they were innocent.

Confined to the community while trying to prove their innocence, they encounter an entirely new set of insane crass people and bizarre situations including a reality show where murderers have a choice and a strip club where the dancers won’t take no for an answer. Somewhere in the middle, it all gets a little bit kinky as a blackmailer stalks the Association owners and interesting porn pictures appear on the internet. Recruited to help the neighbors, Nicky and Tyler realize God fearing people aren’t who they thought they were.

Amidst puppies and poop, Slip and Slide Saturdays, and Whine and Cheese parties every night, their two weeks can’t go by fast enough. Still, there was the haunting stranger that broiled her wild desires and drove Tyler to the edge of reason. And when the killer is found wearing leather and lace, they both decide Richmond is a much safer insane asylum.

Have a great day!

Ciao

Dakotah

 

 

 

Can Dogs Steal Your Heart?

Well I have my answer. I’ve often said that animals are much better than people and I think there are many reasons. Dogs are my personal favorites but I love horses and cats, snakes and rabbits so I think I’m simply an animal lover. I have two dogs and one is the inspiration for the ongoing furry canine in the Pinked Series – MacGyver, my pup’s real name, and I did a take off on a piece originally for an anthology collection and now being released as a stand alone. I’m so very proud because the cover has my pup as the model. Isn’t that awesome?

In penning pieces with animals, it’s amazing not only how many emotions you can evoke in using them but also the way in which you need to remember to depict them. They have different needs than humans do and they act differently. From the love and wagging of the tail to simply remembering they can’t stay in the house all day long while your characters are gone, writing with and about them is entirely different. I love also using them to “camp” up a scene. All they have to do sometimes is get into a little bit of mischief and you have just gotten several laughs – hopefully from your readers.

In the Pinked Series I have a fictional community association neighborhood where anything and everything crazy and campy happens. MacGyver plays a huge part of the fun and a lovely tool that ties several characters together. But in Through the Eyes of a Golden, I used a different Golden Retriever and one who was soothing broken hearts. It’s not an erotic piece by any means. In fact it was designed to be read to your children or your aging mother and father. It’s just a feel good book about what power of an animal’s love. I’ve very proud of the story as it depicts a hell of a lot I think in a short period of time. Here’s a little taste. It’s being released on the 17th from Rebel Ink Press.

THROUGH THE EYES OF A GOLDEN

SYNOPSIS

Widower William Sowers was torn with a decision to make and one that ripped at his heart. His job as an Animal Control Officer forced him to see too many horrors inflicted on animals. On his regular route driving through the upscale community, Leopard’s Pointe, he happened on a tethered golden retriever and one who had been in the same place for some time. Determining his owners left him behind he did the one thing that might cost him his job. He took the pup as his own and yet Blazer remained sad. When a ride back to his old neighborhood caused a flurry of tail wagging, Bill opened the door.

Bette Parker was alone and saddened by the death of Blazer’s owner. Jake was her friend and constant companion. When the pup disappeared she was beside herself with worry since injury kept her from caring for the abandoned dog. Suddenly Blazer and a handsome man appeared at her doorstep and she thought a touch of divine intervention was finally occurring in her lonely life. Unfortunately Jake’s son wanted the pup and she was forced to reveal where he was. As Bill struggled to deal with his heartache from losing his wife and Blazer, a little magic was sprinkled.

EXCERPT

Bill sighed as he rubbed his eyes. How many years had he been doing this job? The answer was too long. While he loved animals more than anything, it was some of the people who owned them he could no longer stomach. How many vile acts of mistreatment had he seen during his years? Too many. His heart ached for the stories and the poor babies and every one of them he’d longed to take home. Chuckling, he rubbed his tired eyes. If only he could.

As he drove into Leopard’s Pointe waving to Fred, the long time security guard, he shook his head. Sadly the guards not only knew him by name but they’d struck up a conversation or two about their respective experiences in the Korean War. There were too many sad tales in the expensive neighborhood regarding animals. People simply took them for granted.

He eased the truck up the main drag and glanced back and forth at the well-kept landscaping. People kept their lawns better than their animals. Bill, that’s no way to think. Mind your manners. Grinning, he thought about his wife of almost forty years and couldn’t help but smile. Margaret was always right. He’d developed a rather surly attitude after only a few years of being what was called a dogcatcher back in the days. Today William Sowers was a Deputy in the Animal Control Division of Chesterfield County. Which simply meant, he was a dogcatcher.

As he drove through the various neighborhoods thankfully seeing nothing that would require his intervention, he headed toward the one location troubling him the most. Leopard’s Mane was one of the older communities nestled within the gated community association and while the yards were still well maintained, he could tell there was a contingency of older people living in the neighborhood. Sadly that meant more calls about animal issues.

Turning up the heat in his truck he still shivered to the bone. It was damn cold in Virginia in February. At least the sun was burning brightly in the sky showering down like a beacon of hope. Too bad he couldn’t keep those feelings as he drove down one particular street. Every time he did Bill groaned, his heart thumping in his chest. Today was no different. There was no doubt he knew what he’d find – the pup. The creature was more than just a bone of contention. The realization was nagging him to death. Unable to sleep or eat over the past two weeks, he contemplated what the hell to do. Just as he had night after night lying awake in his bed, his heart racing and still he wasn’t certain.

Easing down the street slowly, Bill prayed as he always did that things would be different and the pup would be safely nestled inside perhaps by a roaring fire while his master read a book or watched a movie, content to have a loving fur ball by his side. But as the house came into view he could see his hopes were abated. “Hey little pup. I see you.” Why the hell didn’t anyone else? Were they blind?

He dropped his head and tried to figure out what to do. The dog was obviously chained and while the golden fluff ball had some run of what was a back yard, the pup looked worse and worse every time Bill came into the neighborhood. Granted there was a car parked in front in the driveway, but the house itself had the look of abandonment. In truth several of the houses on the street did. Slowing the car down, he pulled to the curb and parked and could easily hear the poor creature barking up a storm.

Weighing what to do he climbed out of his car and surveyed the neighborhood. He knew one thing for sure. If he took the dog to the county facilities there was a probable likelihood the dog would be put down if the owner didn’t come to claim him. Bill walked up the long driveway and stood in front of the main door. He’d thought about knocking how many times and hadn’t? This time he muscled up the courage and did just that.

Hearing nothing for several minutes, Bill knocked again and inhaled deeply. He could see a partially open curtain and walked to the window. As he peered inside he grew more concerned. There were several moving boxes and very little furniture. The owners had obviously left the dog. “Damn it!” Anger boiled within him. Why the hell couldn’t the people do something better than simply leave their dog behind? What could he do? Bill thought about his family and shook his head. His son lived in Oregon and his daughter hated animals. Sadly he didn’t think some of his friends would be candidates either.

Bill had to at least check on the dog up close and personal and then make his decision. As he neared the corner of the house he resisted gasping. The pool baby had at some point gotten himself tangled in something. He had obvious cuts on his back leg that were healing and in truth he wasn’t as skinny as Bill would have imagined. As the dog backed away he could clearly see the sex. “Hey there, boy. I won’t hurt you.” Kneeling down on his bad knees he grunted but kept still as he held out his hand.

I very much hope you enjoyed and remember to love your pets. Animal cruelty is far too rampant out there.

Purr babies and Ciao 

Dakotah

Heavy Drinking – Rebel Ink Press Summer Heat

Well, you know this rather festive girl has to participate in the Rebel Ink Press Summer Heat event. It’s a little original flash fiction for you and mine is based on my Pinked Series – about campy murder and mystery in community association living. What is flash fiction? This time its based on a picture prompt and you write 250 words no more and no less, with whatever suits your fancy. Don’t forget to stop by all the other sexy flashers and comment on the main Rebel Ink Blog site for a chance to win prizes.

HEAVY DRINKING

Nicky French gazed at the group of unruly homeowners and groaned before thinking about throwing back more than a single shot of tequila. There was nothing like watching a bunch of overgrown and overweight men and women argue about what color the clubhouse needed to be. She tapped her red stiletto on the dingy tile floor and thought about finding another job. In another country. Perhaps on another planet.

“Nicky, aren’t you going to give us your thoughts on the color selection?”

Hearing her Board President’s gravely voice did nothing but grate her nerves. Eyeing his bright pink Madras shorts and what could only be described as puke green golf shirt, she could only envision him doing the slip and slide at the community event the night before. There was nothing like seeing a sixty some year old man attempting to do a line dance. “How about fuchsia, Ray?” she cooed, her voice filling with disdain.

“Fuchsia?” Ray chortled and turned his head to the other members sitting at the table.

Sighing, she watched the oh-so-young male lifeguard and couldn’t help but think nasty thoughts. After all, there was little else to do.

“Done! Fuchsia it is!” Ray slapped his hand on top of the table, the sound reverberating into the room and whooped as the entire room clapped.

Narrowing her eyes, Nicky realized they were serious and also knew she needed a cat scan. “You are kidding, right?”

“No, it’s perfect. You’re a genius.”

Genius? Oh yeah, heavy drinking.

Ciao babies   xxx

Dakotah

OTHER FLASHERS

Lindsay Klug                         Lee Ann Sontheimer Murphy                        Lila Munro

Donna Steele                       Cassandre Dayne                                                 Eden Connor

DH Black                                  Nora Snowdon                                                        Dakotah Black

Melissa Keir                         Michel Prince                                                          Eden Glenn

Suzzana C Ryan                   JL Oiler                                                                                           E Jaime

Sabrina McAfee                                    Wendy Smith                                                           Janelle Lee

PK Morris

http://www.rebelinkpress.com/RebelReasoning/

How Many Creative Ways Can You Kill People?

I ask myself that every day. I’m joining in the fabulous blog hop for Rebel Ink Press and this release is smokin’ – fun that it. I get to kill people in the most creative fashions and I love it. The series is about managing community associations and trust me, it’ll knock your socks off the reality of what some people can do. This is campy and fun so take a ride with me…

PINKED SERIES

FUCHSIA HOT PANTS & PINK LEMONADE

EXCERPT

Pulling into the parking lot, she eyed the number of cars and wondered if there was ever a slow night in paradise. Granted, the watering holes in this part of town were few and far between so Mick had a captive audience. Sometimes she was grateful. Sometimes she was terrified. Tonight, she wanted nothing more than to drink a frothy concoction and listen to the wild stories involving the bar to take her mind off all the crap happening lately. Then again, at least there was only one dead body. Why did she have the feeling she should say so far?

As she climbed out and locked the door, she fluffed her hair and gazed down at her outfit. Not bad. There was no bodyguard flanking the door, which meant it was a quiet night in the joint. Before entering she pursed her lips, brushed her hands down the length of her outfit and adjusted her bra. A girl always had to look her best after all. When she walked inside she took a deep whiff and knew instantly the chef must be making some shrimp dish. Her mouth watering, she realized the vibrant neon pink flashing lights and odd looking pictures on the walls made her feel so much like home.

“Nicky!”

Hearing Froggy’s voice brought back so many memories and while not all of them were good, Nicky couldn’t help but smile. And then check her attire to make sure no body parts were hanging out. The rather scandalous pictures in the newspaper had been bad enough, although excellent for the bar business. “Hi ya. What’s cookin’?”

“My guess is you when Mick gets a load of you. Come on over here, girl. Was thinkin’ I needed to send out a search warrant for you,” Froggy grinned as he leaned over the bar.

“Very funny. I’ve just been busy.” The explosions and murders really had taken its toll on everyone. As Nicky sidled up to the bar, she stole a glace around the perimeter of the bar and fortunately didn’t see a single Leopard’s Pointe board member – at least that she recognized.

“He’s in his office. Do you want me to get him for you?”

“No!” She hated when Froggy teased her but the man could see right through her like few could. Well, there was Ruby and the Tyler and several of the board members but that didn’t count. Huffing, she shook her head. “Can I just have a drink please?”

“So demanding tonight.” Froggy laughed. “You get one on the house tonight, lovely lady.” Patting the top of the bar, he moved back to make her a drink.

Nicky sighed as she settled into the bar stool and then stole several glances up the long stairway to Mick’s office. Nibbling on her bottom lip, she pulled out her phone to see if Tyler had left her a message and then had to fight giggles as they bubbled to the surface. Hadn’t she suddenly turned into the town… The thought gave her the shivers. As the subtle strains of some fluffy disco music vibrated the walls, she smiled to no one in particular. So life wasn’t perfect but she had a job and friends and…

“Well, look who happened on my little place of business.”

His hot breath alone was enough to make her shiver. “I had a meeting, well almost a meeting. No, I was supposed to have a meeting but the group, you know the board members didn’t show up and…” As he flanked her side wearing a mischievous grin, she hissed knowing she sounded like a ten year old. “I’m sorry. Long week. Very bad homeowners.”

“Sure. I’m very glad I still have that effect on you. Are you here to inquire about our date?”

The gleam in his eye mixed with the musky scent of his cologne and she wanted to reach out and smack Mick for looking so damn good. “No, seriously. I had basically and entire board not show up for a meeting.” Hmm… It certainly did seem more than just odd to her. Maybe she needed to take a drive through the community later – just to see what was what.

“Something about the company?”

“Very funny, white boy. No. I have a bad feeling there’s something going on in the community.” As Froggy moved in their direction, the drink in his hand was ginormous and she had a very bad feeling.

“There’s always something going on in the community. I hear things all the time, luv. What do you think it is this time? Maniacs on bikes stealing from old folks? Perhaps a group of senior citizens grouping together for a strip tease act?”

“Hysterical.” Giving him the finger, Nicky gave him a sideways glance before a new customer caught her eye. As he made his way toward a table in the back he continued to look over his shoulder. The term cagey had nothing on this one. Was it possible that he was… No, the look was somehow different but still as slimy. “I don’t know what to make of it yet. Murder, prostitution and drugs all go together so who knows what we’re dealing with.”

“Said like a real trooper and you said I had an odd job. What did you make for her this time, Froggy?” Mick grinned as he leaned against the bar and pursed his lips.

“This time something simple. An Electric Lemonade with a kick. And I’m not telling you what that is,” Froggy said as he grinned and wagged his tail behind the bar.

That meant the drink was gonna kill her and why again was Mick leering at her? “You do have an odd job and don’t forget you’re doing it doggy style on Saturday.” As soon as she said the words she regretted them given the knowing looking passing Froggy’s face. Giving him a harsh glare, she licked the end of the tangerine colored straw for emphasis.

BLURB

Nicky was sick and tired of hearing about the stench of garbage from the landfill across from Leopard’s Pointe. So sick in fact she scheduled a meeting with Skylorn Landfill’s owner, Bruno Carletti. When Nicky found out all five members of the Board of Leopard’s Pointe, laying dead in the muck near the edge of the landfill, she headed for Mick’s bar and a kiss of the Irish from her partner, Tyler. Now it went without question that the Board wasn’t going to be successful in shutting down Skylorn’s operation. But the question was–did the owner of the tiny trash company know what was going on?

And then there’s the hot twin from Sampson Wright Development, Parker Barrington, who wasn’t only a suspect in the murders, but a known associate with the Italian Trash Cartel. As Nicky and Tyler start trying to solve the murders, mysterious sewage finds its way into every home in the Leopard’s Point, the area’s most upscale condominium community. Needless to say, everyone is in a cranky mood.

When the landscaper is accused of maiming the Grounds Committee Chair with a weed eater, things go from bad to worse in the blink of an eye. And just as Nicky and Tyler they have it all figured out, the local ice cream truck begins selling drugs next to the rocket pops and fudge bars. It’s amazing what you can buy for $4.99 Then there’s the trash dump right outside their front gate. So what’s a community manager to do? Buy spandex and pray for a miracle.

I hope you enjoyed

Ciao…

Dakotah

BUY LINK

http://www.omnilit.com/product-fuschiahotpantsandpinklemonade-779948-150.html

Who Doesn’t Like a Hot Bar? Or a HAWT Aussie Man?

It’s the Easter Blog Hop and that’s the question of the day. For me I have the answer – we all do. I write about wild things that happen in an association in this series but I also write about a very sexy bar where a lot of the action happens. Owned by one six foot four inch blond Aussie man – Mick St. Simon, well you can imagine the antics that might happen with our sexy gal community manager who has the hots for him.

Don’t forget to comment for a chance to win and enjoy…

THE FLAMINGO WRANGLER (Five O’ Clock Nowhere)

 BLURB

Mick St. Simons thought his day couldn’t get any worse. Unwanted and God knew unneeded Leopard’s Pointe Board members suddenly appeared, drinking shots of tequila while the entire Virginia Beach Society of Harley Riders camped in the middle of his bar, The Flamingo Rustler. But when he heard the massive explosion across the street and his bar became an immediate association clubhouse, he knew his day had turned to shit.

For Nicky French and Tyler Deverall, it was just another day at the office. Blown to bits by sources unknown, the center of the community and the beloved clubhouse affectionately called the “Zoo”, the Board demanded answers and they had to come fast. As hints of a mafia hit showered the airwaves, the community is placed on edge and takes matters into their own hands. Keeping the peace wasn’t a problem. Keeping the owners away from guns, battery powered hedge trimmers, poison and fire extinguishers was.

And when a much loved long term community leader ends up in the pool naked with a hooker and a bag full of drugs, well, all bets were off. As Mick struggles to regain his bar and Nicky and Tyler battle a possible drug lord, more bodies wash up literally. And then there’s the issue of pink silk panties. The clues are plenty and the suspects abound and somehow, the nights seem to grow wilder.

 

EXCERPT

“Hey boss. Need your attention my man.” Froggy grinned as the UPS driver stood in front of him and called up the stairs.

Hissing, Mick shook his head but had to admit his number one bartender was right. The geeky brown outfit and tall spandex comfort socks did nothing for the flushed man, sweat dripping off his brow. The poor overweight boy looked more than a bit uncomfortable in the intense Richmond Virginia summer heat. “Behave,” he said as he snagged a glance at the package and even from the distance could see Froggy’s mind racing.

“Who me? I think the afternoon just got saucy,” Froggy chuckled as he brushed the tip of his finger across the seam his mouth, his eyes glinting mischievously.

“Uh-huh, mate.” Bartending for the now number one soon-to-be-wildest-theme-bar in the fair city allowed his brawny bartender certain interests of his own. And yanking Mick St. Simons’ chain was one of his favorites.  There was nothing like teasing a fighting Aussie to get your blood rolling and while Mick was exhausted from recent events, he couldn’t afford not to be on his game. Nope, the night was sure to be a hot one. After all, Thursdays were becoming as famous as Sandbox Saturdays, their latest endeavor, complete with sand, sun and a swim up bar. No holes barred. Who knew Chesterfield County could have some a snazzy place? Already jumping with activity his gut told him it was going to be a wild night.

“Scared to open it, boss?”

“Come here and I’ll smack you.” Mick scanned the perimeter and sighed. Damn, if he wasn’t nervous as a little kid about to attend the local bully’s birthday party. Whew. He checked his watch for the twentieth time that day. His date was rolling around the corner fast. A date with the lovely strawberry golden blond that had boiled his blood this long summer month. Nicky French, spunky Community Manager of the insane community across the street, Leopard’s Pointe and always sexy and feisty, was his tasty treat for the evening.  And Mick tingled in anticipation. Grinning, he thought about their first now infamous meeting and licked his lips. She was one saucy babe. And she’d smack the crap out of him for thinking this way.

He heard Froggy’s chuckle and wondered what the hell had been delivered. Standing by his office perch window over the expansive dining room, Mick gazed
down at the vibrantly dressed patrons. There was nothing like shades of hot pink and tangerine to spruce up a summer’s night. Damn, it was like five o’clock nowhere but the place was already hopping. The snazzy thought made him grin all the way to the bank. If he kept up the crowds day after day that came for either the delicious menu or the insane drinks Froggy kept concocting, then he’d be rich by Christmas.

“Boss dude? I really think you’ll want to handle this package all by yourself.” Folding his arms Froggy issued another shameless laugh.

Mick grumbled and strolled down the stairs. It had been awhile since he’d been out of his signature black, tight – skin-tight jeans for a real honest to goodness date with a woman who he wanted to get into her…tight little mini-skirt. But Nicky deserved the best. A new pair of crisp cream linen pants and a deep turquoise shirt matched his…now what did Nicky call them as he was hovering over her naked? Oh yes, the most stimulating dancing blue eyes she’d ever seen. Sexy, sinful and downright delicious. He was the one for her all the way. You betcha. He was the one who would steal her heart away. That is if he could get past tonight.

He puffed up and stared at the skittish UPS guy. Oh bloody hell who the hell was he kidding? Being in the running with another guy and one he actually figured out he liked did nothing for his very manhood. No, Tyler Deverall, Homicide Detective extraordinaire, was possibly making more headway than he was. Damn the shaggy headed man with the boyish grin.

“Looks like someone sent you a goody bag, Mick.” Froggy nodded toward the package. “My guess by the saucy chili red lips placed on the return address area right there, you’re gonna just love what’s inside.”

Mick flashed Froggy a snarl.

“I just need ya’ll to sign here.” The UPS man held out his handheld.

“Since when do I gotta sign for a package?”

“Since the little filly decided that you had to before she’d let it go I guess.” Puff ball held out a pen.

“Little filly, eh?” Mick started to smile. Nicky was a surprise all right. The kind of “filly” he could spend more time with. If only Nicky would allow him to. No, she had certainly made good on her promise after the surprise mud-wrestling event he and Tyler had forced on her. Why he had thought the little money-making charity even would turn her head and force her hand was beyond him. She’d kept to herself these long four weeks. Thank God her good sense or good graces or pity on at least him had taken over. Wait… A pity date? Shit!

The UPS guy stared up high at the very tall muscular blond man with obvious envy and shrugged. “Sure enough with lips like that on a package I sure hope you don’t got a man sending that kind of package to you. That would be a damn shame, now wouldn’t it?” A chortle from the red faced man brought Mick’s harsh eyes and angry face down to his.

The now shaking driver gulped and Mick could swear he heard the guy’s knees knocking.

“Oooohhh, I’m shakin’,” Froggy chortled.

“If I were you little service man, I’d take your pen, your name card that tells you who you belong to and your brown ugly truck and leave while you still can.” Mick was only kidding but the man about to loose his cookies didn’t know it.

UPS man stared up and down at his solid six foot four inch mass and choked. “Ssssuuuurrreeee. Ssssooooorrryyy.” He scuttled backward toward the door as the sultry blond waitress gave Mick a nasty look.

Nothing like having your own waitress giving you the evil eye. But Candy knew how to drill any man into the floor. Thank God for that.

UPS man hit the door running full out. Who knew pudgy legs could fly that fast.

Mick chuckled and gazed down at the package.

“A little hard on him there weren’t cha, boss?” Froggy smiled, his eyes twinkling. He leaned over the bar and pushed the package closer. “If I’m not mistaken, and I usually am not, you’re going to get laid tonight. And might I say thank God for all of us.”

“If I didn’t like you so much Froggy my man, I would kick your ass from one end of my bar to the other.”

“Funny how you keep reminding me it’s your bar.” Froggy laughed.

Mick was nothing but a good natured sexy guy who kept all the women coming back to the bar, including the cronies from across the street. Unfortunately, the single beautiful woman who’d stolen Mick’s heart and parts of his body had remained AWOL – Nicky French. His wafting cologne and stud muffin attire was nothing but a bright beacon screaming Mick had a date.

“So hot date boy, how about my hot new Pink Ivory signature drink on the house tonight for our rather interesting patrons?”  Froggy sniffed as he plunked fresh bottles of liquor on the counter.

“How about two only?” Like they needed ‘em any drunker. Mick started to growl when the thudding sound of the front door and a booming loud echo thumped throughout the joint. Only the pulsing surf music masked the power of the large arms that forced the massive steel back into the doorjamb. Mick stared as the wild crowd sauntered in the bar like they owned the joint.

“Oh shit, looks like The Flamingo Rustler will never be the same again,” Froggy hissed as he eyed the six humongous men with amusement. “Then again maybe they’ll mean another adventure tonight. Oh yeah, you already got one of your own planned.

“Froggy!” Mick snarled through clenched teeth as he gazed down the lot of the rough-hewn men. The term wild-eyed-burly biker took on an entirely new meaning when the six dudes strolled in. Mick eyed them cautiously. Not that The Flamingo Rustler hadn’t been a bar designed specifically for the Richmond Harley Riders of America when his grandfather owned the club. But that was several years, a complete restoration and a new chef later. And the sometimes multiple personality encompassing his nearly deranged Italian chef wouldn’t like to serve men who wore nothing but leather. Staring around at the gaping crowd of mostly association community leaders and their co-horts, he knew his life was going to hell in a hand basket in a hurry.

“Nice place.” The tallest of the bikers laughed.

“Think we could roost for a while here. Whatcha think, Big T?” The Puerto Rican had more tattoos than Mick’s grandfather, or so he thought from the pictures Mick had seen. Crazy old fart. Shame they’d never met. Maybe he could have given Mick a pointer or two about handling the rough flock who’d found their way into his bar.

“Oh yeah. Let’s just see if we can find some sexy ladies.” The shortest stud-wanna-be eyed Candy. By the time he finished licking his lips and gyrating his hips, Candy was in the process of giving him the read-between-the-lines finger.

“Is Lurch here yet?” Froggy walked around the bar.

They both knew Candy could handle herself. That wasn’t the immediate problem but having a hulking mass as a bouncer helped with the rougher crowds. “I hope to hell not. If he sees one of these guys going for Candy, I’ll never get my bar back from the cops.” Mick suddenly wished his massive bouncer was in the house. He moved toward the group and watched as several of the ladies from Leopard’s Pointe licked their lips. Damn if the sixty some year old women didn’t need to get laid more than he did. The ugly thought frosted his last nerve. Never mind they used all the condoms in the lady’s bathroom. God, he hated the gated community association across the street.

The one who answered to “Big T” stalked forward wearing a shit-eating grin. Obviously the leader of the group, he stared behind the bar as Wildman walked out from the back.

Mick turned to glare at his second in charge bartender. Roger Martin, who would never answer to his given name, was no slacker himself. His hulking muscles, long dark hair and handle bar mustache screamed bad-ass. In truth, he was a pussy cat in disguise. But the evil, crazed and ferocious look he wore today even sizzled Mick’s last nerve. God, he sensed a massive fight in the middle of his freaking bar. “Wildman, you know these gentlemen?”

Wildman held his hand out to stop all movement in the bar and the entire place shut down. Except for the sing-songy sounds of some blond surfer dude crooning now what appeared to be a bad rendition of a rumba song, you could hear a pin drop. He slid around the bar keeping his demeanor cool but staring into Big T’s eyes.

The five other bikers moved back, crossed their arms and the stance stated clearly hip and dangerous. No one was going to leave the bar alive.

That’s my kind of hot man. What about you? 

Check out the sexy little video and join the others on the blog hop

Ciao   xxx

Dakotah

SNAZZY VIDEO

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0DY8owzC3A

The Blog Hop

http://thebloghopspot.com/event-page/

Pink Flamingos Anyone? Oh and Murder…

Hoppy Easter Blog Hop and I have another excerpt from you. I manage community associations and for those of you who don’t know, they are planned communities designed by developers and you have to follow the rules. Most people honestly hate that and as such are generally not very good neighbors – and they make even worse Board members who are trying to run the day to day business of the association. So… what do you mix when you have unhappy people and a lot of rules? Well in my Pinked series – murder and mayhem. Here’s how the entire series started and don’t forget to comment for a chance to win a sexy book.

PINKED

Where community association living is dangerous to your health

BLURB

When Community Association Manager Nicky French received a call about one of her communities in the middle of the night, she knew something serious was up. Finding the developer of Leopard’s Pointe impaled on the iron pool gates surrounded by a sea of inflatable pink flamingoes, Nicky was stunned to find bonfires raging and the community rejoicing. William Barrington was the brilliant designer of the upscale multi-use community, yet apparently everyone wanted him dead. And there were too many suspects to name including every single homeowner in the community and his two sons.

For rough and tumble Detective Tyler Deverall to be called to a scene of a murder in the middle of the night was nothing unusual. And given the only thing keeping the owners from partying all night long and celebrating thus hindering his investigation was Nicky French’s tough stance, Tyler was intrigued.

As Nicky and Tyler set out to find the murderer, builders begin to drop like flies with each murder becoming more horrific and comical than the last. Set against the backdrop of Chesterfield County, Virginia, enter the realm (and sometimes nightmare) of one very special homeowner’s association – where living can be dangerous to your health. As Nicky and Tyler delve into the wild world of spray painted flowers, kinky sex, neon signs and a tango with the mafia, they soon learn that their understanding of humanity will never be the same. Who knew a glue gun could be such an effective murder weapon?

 EXCERPT

“Nicky! Your God damned beefcake hotshot developer has managed to get his fat ass impaled on the pool gates. Now I’ve got blood everywhere and people screaming. What are you going to do about it?” The gravelly chastising voice bellowed like a bull in a china shop, insistent and imploring. The man was cranky as hell.

And it pissed the bejesus out of her. “Who the hell are you?” Nicky French fumbled in the dark trying to make sense of why in God’s name she had answered the phone at all in the middle of the night. She sat up. The blood bammed against her forehead so hard it was like tiny and very noisy munchkin men were inside her brain beating to the tune of Michael Jackson’s Beat It.

She thrashed in the direction of the phone and her hand slamming into something. The crash was loud enough to wake the dead. “Holy fuck!”

“What do you mean who is this? Get a grip girl! Do your job! This is Ray!”

Nicky struggled with the covers that had captured her like a prisoner of war, tumbled out of bed and fell directly onto her face. “Ray who?”

“Your God damned Board President. That’s who! You know, the one your lousy firm works for?”

Nicky fought her way to the bathroom, cordless phone still in her hand. Ray Switzer. Oh yeah. Famous in his mind anyway. The cranky old guy ran — and she merely thought the words with a chagrin on her face — ran the Board at Leopard’s Pointe, the Premiere Community Association in Chesterfield. Yeah right. She growled. “Ah…Ray. Why exactly are you calling me again in the middle of the night?”

“Are you deaf, girl? The damn developer’s down here on the top of the pool gates. Fucker’s dead as a damn doornail. Causing quite a stir too I might add. Shit woman, I think a party’s ready to break out. Hold on! Marge – stop that. You can’t take pictures with a dead man for Christ’s sake!” Huffing and puffing rumbled through the phone.

Nicky heard muffled excited voices that had to be hovering directly behind Ray. God, the man drove her absolutely nuts. No, the freaking community drove her nuts. That’s because only nut cases lived there. Yep, her favorite saying remained in the forefront of her mind. You move into a community association, check your brains at the door. Hush girl! Association Management is your chosen profession. Remember?

“No! It won’t make good newsletter material! Sorry Nicky. Damn these women drive me crazy!” Ray huffed.

Who the hell was he talking to? “So are you serious, Ray? Is there really a dead man’s body somewhere in the community?” Groaning, Nicky stabbed at the light. The florescent beams hit her squarely in the eyes. She winced and her head bounced to the moon. Damn! She shouldn’t have had that last fuzzy nipple or pink navel or whatever the hell Ruby forced her to have. Her best friend could make a party out of anything.

“Dead as a damn heart attack, girl. And you wouldn’t believe the rest of it. Get the hell down here now! Oh holy hell! I gotta go, Fred’s bringing out the cheese whiz. Jesus H. Christ! Fred…Fred!”

“Ray. Ray!” Snarling, Nicky realized Ray hung up. She dropped the phone with a thud and held onto the bathroom counter. The entire world swooned by her like a bad case of the heebie jeebies. What the hell is the crazed old fool talking about? Somehow she doubted William Barrington the third – and she was required to address the retired ex-New York judge that way — was somehow nestled into the closed pool in the middle of the night. But then again, she found two kids in the back of the bathroom doing the nasty just last week. And the damned pool had been open what, a week?

Inhaling deeply, Nicky balled her fists and glared at herself in the mirror. She was thirty-one going on a hundred, easily. The damn community had aged her just in the last year alone. There was nothing like two separate cases of raw sewage spewing into several condominium units around a given holiday to boil your blood. She turned on the cool water and splashed a handful in her face remembering she wasn’t on call, not this month. Yet Ray baby knew all of her phone numbers and called her outside of business hours on a regular basis.

Nicky, why haven’t the pool chairs come in?

     Nicky, why aren’t we on budget for grounds care?

     Nicky, I can’t stand the damn painter. Can’t you fire him and hire another?

     Nicky… 

     Nicky!

The majority of the time Nicky felt like a battering ram for the entire community. Still, something was up. Ray wouldn’t call her unless something was going on in the melting pot of humans. The question was, was she sober enough to drive? She fumbled back into the bedroom and stared at the crimson bold-faced digital clock. Three am? How long have I been asleep, like an hour?

Why no officer. I haven’t had a thing to drink. Just going to visit the community I manage in the middle of the freaking night!

You betcha that excuse would fly. All the way to jail.

Growling, Nicky fumbled to find the clothes she slid out of barely an hour before. The lovely single nightcap turned into a round of heavy dirty dancing with some guy name Raul. Who the hell named their kid Raul and lived to talk about it? She was going to curse her Ruby Dettrix in the morning. She could still see the buxom woman batting her emerald green eyes and slicing her rich auburn hair over her shoulders as she pursed her lips, daring Nicky to join her. Just one drink girlfriend. It’ll be fun.

Four drinks later and a handful of phones numbers and Nicky was hot, horny and alone.

Realizing time was of the essence she threw on the same attire, a tight black leather skirt and scarlet polyester shirt that clung to every curve like a glove and shook her head. Boy, wasn’t she the picture of association management? Sadly, with three night meetings that week, she hadn’t managed to do laundry in a good ten days. Aarrgh! Huffing, Nicky brushed the golden strands back into a ponytail and rushed to put on a little make up, gazing at her reflection with disdain. “You look like hell in a hand basket.”

Giggling, Nicky imagined it was perfect for a murder scene. Jerking to a halt, she threw her hand over her mouth, frozen like a popsicle in Alaska. Murder? Was he serious? Not that she hadn’t thought about it before, given her profession, who wouldn’t? Still, murder in the community was unheard of. Had Ray said anything about calling the police? Shit, she could barely remember. She grabbed a bottle of water, her purse, keys and prayed to some God she’d make it from the West End to Chesterfield County in one piece.

What do you think? Could you live there? I know MY answer.

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Ciao  xxx

Dakotah

http://www.dakotahblack.com

Fuchsia Hot Pants & Pink Lemonade…Easter Blog Hop

What you say? REALLY? Yes, indeed I enjoy mixing it up with writing all things campy as well as kinky so… I write romantic comedy and this is my third piece in the PINKED Collection and a very fun one. The characters all stay the same and the good times float by in the blink of an eye BUT…remember there are always horrific crimes that happen. Just with things like weedeaters and epoxy guns as opposed to guns and knives. Let’s take a taste of my soon to be released on April 17th from Rebel Ink Press and a funny little ride.

FUCHSIA HOT PANTS & PINK LEMONADE

Chapter One

“You have to be kidding me. Strippers? I have a bad feeling this night is going to hell in a hand basket quickly,” Nicky French hissed through clenched teeth.

“Now wait a minute, girl. I kinda like the sexy blond over there. My God. I think he’s packin’ more than eight inches. You should go for him. Whew, baby! Wouldn’t hurt to get a little nookie. Oh I forgot. You don’t do that kind of thing any longer.”

“Would you stop?” Nicky raised her eyebrow at Ruby Dettrix, her best friend, ace reporter and the local-girl-on-the-fast-track to make it to the Today show. Ruby was also a vixen in stilettos and always ready for a good time. “Need I remind you this was supposed to be a family event?” Checking her watch, the fact it was only four in the afternoon meant she had a long night of dealing with weirdo’s ahead of her. There was something about watching the group of men and women dancing to blaring disco music wearing what could only be described as Caribbean ghetto attire to keep her a bit frosty.

“Since when has anything to do with Leopard’s Pointe been a family event? Come on. Let’s get a drink. Looks like they’re serving up Betty’s famous Iced Pink Lemonade.”

“Great. The Vice President of the Board is bartending. What’s next? A hot game of strip poker?” That meant the party was going to get out of hand quickly. Nicky glanced around the filled-to-capacity clubhouse and had to admit the renovation team had done a fantastic job of rebuilding and updating the community’s party zone. As she dodged a beach ball headed directly for her head, she knew why the place had been given the nickname The Zoo.

“As long as those four sexy hunks are involved, I’m game.” Ruby stated as she snapped her gum.

Nicky was already exhausted from a long week of dealing with the final paperwork on the rebuild of the clubhouse. And the five hour Board meeting the night before hadn’t helped her mood one bit. Then again, cranky was her middle name as of late. At least the community had a brand spanking new clubhouse. The madman had done a solid job of blowing it to bits in a fiery blackmail attempt. Well, the oversized place had been outdated with madras coverings and ugly pea green walls. The beautiful ocean breeze look was much better suited to the surroundings. And somehow she knew the lovely location would be destroyed in less than a year given the wild parties thrown by the community. There was nothing like bikers and hookers and strippers oh my.

“Hey, Nicky! Where’s that hot cop lover of yours?” A man screamed over the roar of the crowd.

“Yeah, Nicky!” The woman in Pepto Bismol pink screeched.

“You go, girl.” Wearing nothing but a thong, the man swayed his hips back and forth as three women cat-called and whistled.

“No man should wear a thong,” Nicky groaned and resisted giving Ray Switzer, her Leopard’s Pointe Board President the finger. Her love life had always been gluttonous folly for the crazies in the community. It seemed every day she hated her job of community manager of the gated community more and more. “I need a vacation.” Nodding to Betty, the rather scandalous Vice President of the homeowner’s association, she was at least glad the woman was dressed down for once. Then again, shocking orange was the brassy blonde’s favorite color.

“Drink this and you’ll feel better.” Ruby brushed her hand through her curly, red hair as she handed Nicky a tall glass.

“You’ll feel like dancing in the streets or more,” Betty said as slid her finger back and forth across the seam of her mouth.

Nicky swallowed hard as she gazed at the frothy concoction. When Betty made drinks, people got naked. Yes you did and the entire community isn’t going to let you live it down. Hushing her ugly little voice, she took a sip from the fuchsia straw and almost gagged. “Jesus, Betty. Trying to kill us?”

“Hey. We haven’t had a thing to celebrate around here since the desperados blew up the joint. Let’s have some fun. I think the committee members have a series of spectacular games planned for in addition to casino. You gambling, sugar? I am and you must know what’s on the menu,” Betty cooed as she licked her lips and smiled mischievously at the dark headed stripper.

“I’ve afraid to ask.” Great. Nicky knew all the community needed was a gambling event.

“Beefcake and take a look at the stunning boys preening in preparation. Gonna do him in the pool later.” As Betty ogled the group of muscular men, she sucked on her straw, licking up and down the length.

“Unbelievable. Every day I need a cat scan.” Glancing around the room, Nicky could only imagine what brand of crazy had been cooked up. Strippers and gambling. Granted, the entire community had been somber since the murders were solved almost two months before. This would be the last summer blow out. Thank freaking God it was almost Labor Day. The pool would close. The people would get ready to hibernate for the upcoming Virginia winter. And pigs would fly again. Chuckling, she couldn’t help but think about her busy schedule for the next week. There was too much to do, including attending two heated Board meetings. At least after that she had a few days off. Maybe she’d fly to Tahiti all by herself. She could meet a guy and have a wild fling and… At least the thought was delicious.

“Daydreaming about sex again?” Ruby teased.

“I have no idea how you do that.”

“You get a certain look in your eye like the cat that swallowed a canary. By the way, where is that hunky detective of yours? I thought you and Tyler were attached at the hip now. You know, planning your upcoming wedding and all.”

While Nicky wanted to slap her best friend down, the truth was she kinda missed the sexy come-as-you-may detective in a huge way. “He’s supposed to be here if some kind of wretched murder doesn’t get in the way.” Like epoxy being shoved in the private parts of some hapless thug. Giggling, she took another gulp of her drink and could almost feel her body swaying back and forth. Was it because she had a huge crush on the rough-hewn detective who sparred with her more than any man she knew or was she simply in the – I love a rugged man protecting me mode? Either way, she was indeed hoping he was going to show up.

“Oh…my…God!” Ruby exclaimed as she jerked on Nicky’s arm. “Do you see what I see? Oh strip me down to nothing, score me on a skewer and call me done. That is without a doubt the most gorgeous man on the face of this Earth.”

“What in the hell are you talking about?” As Nicky turned her head, the sight of Mick St. Simons, the owner of The Flamingo Rustler restaurant and one of two men vying to take her to bed – okay so the hunky Aussie had already taken to bed but that was another story – embroiled her… No, the sight of him barely dressed in a skin-tight pair of dark pants, no shirt and a bow tie was to die for. Biting her lower lip, she brushed the beads of sweat from her brow and sighed. And then she hissed. “What is Mick doing here?” Resisting him wasn’t her strong suit.

“I think I overheard Betty saying the Board selected the Rustler to cater the party. Isn’t that something you should know about, girl? Or are you losing your touch?” Laughing, Ruby gave Nicky a sinful glare before cocking her hip and sauntering toward the six foot four blond God.

And Nicky wanted to rip her heart out. He certainly looked the part for the evening. As Mick strode toward her, Nicky could easily tell what was on his mind. Then again, the same shameless thought was on hers almost every day. There was something so intriguing about the man and while they’d only been together once – well kinda twice, he was without a doubt the hottest lover she’d ever had.

“Hello, luv. What do you think of the party so far?” Mick asked as he leaned down for a kiss on the cheek.

Hope you enjoyed!

Ciao  And don’t forget to comment for a chance to win prizes!

Dakotah

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The Top Ten Ways to Kill People

What? Too much for you in the morning? Come on. It’s fun to think about killing off characters in a series and I get bored seeing a criminal simply pull out a gun and start shooting. Come on. There are SOOO many more ways to get the bad guy or the good guy or whoever you’re in the mood to kill off. From serial killers to madmen and heroes who have to go the extra mile in order to stay alive, there are so many fascinating ways of finding and wielding the right weapon. It’s wonderful as an author to be able to take on a new challenge and try and make the story line sound believable.

The thought of killing of course isn’t new but when you combine the ability of using information from the Internet to finding and reading books meant for authors on the aspects of killing from poisons to guns, ropes to knives, you can really destroy some worlds. It’s funny given the age of terrorism that you can continue to find truly real life methods and trust me in my campy murder mystery series I use just about every one of them in creative ways.

When I sat down to pen the PINKED series I developed several cheat sheets. Meaning I of course wrote about the characters and all their attributes and I also wrote down the locations that would remain the same throughout the series. Then again I have everything from drinks I made up to food for The Flamingo Rustler restaurant. That’s the wacky and very self indulgent part of the story line. I get to create colorful characters who ebb and flow throughout and give you a taste of the spicy side of life. So… I have several ways in which I like to kill. Let’s take a look at a few, shall we? Oh and I’ll let most of your imagination do the thinking since I don’t want to give away ALL my secrets.

TOP TEN

10.  Miracle Grow Cocktail – mixes nicely with Melon liquor

9.  Dremel Tool – oh you have no idea what kind of lovely carvings you can do

8.  Pesticide man – take and wand and depending on where you shove…

7.  Expanding foam – need I say more?

6.  Garden hose full of acid – yes you have to be quick but imagine, the entire evidence dissolves

5.  Hard Salami – you can kill sate your appetite at the same time

4.  Weedeater – oh come on – do you really need any more details?

3.  Cans of pam – not just for cooking any longer

2.  Pitching ball machine lobbing grenades – very messy but oh-so-satisfying

1.  This one truly is my favorite – an epoxy gun. Oh you bet darlings. You can close up some holes in a jiffy.

Get the idea about the series? Hmmm… let’s take a taste of my upcoming release –

Fuchsia Hot Pants & Pink Lemonade

EXCERPT

He’d waited long enough and had exactly what he needed to finish the job. While this was the best part of what he was required to do, he was still antsy tonight. He loved the nighttime hours and the fact he was able to select his instruments with the sheer precision of a surgeon and the pay was damn good, but there were times he longed for a real career. One that could possibly give him the promise of retirement and not the way he knew his boss meant on a given day. He opened his window and pitched out the fourth candy wrapper, making a promise to himself to have a salad the next day, and started the engine.

The putter and sputter of the old engine groaned to life. He slapped the steering wheel and hissed. Yeah, so the clunker was good cover but he never thought he’d see himself in a 1975 classic POS. The technical term always gave him a chuckle. He put on his ah-shucks-boy attitude, slapped on the ball cap for cover and he was nothing more than an aging good ole boy out for a joy ride. Of course minus the beers and the hot girls. Yeah. Hot girls his ass.

Snorting, he turned off the radio and drove in silence to the last road on the main strip. The setting was beautifully landscaped, very secluded, posh and the perfect location for a murder. The community only half way completed, there were very few people living in the condominium. All the better to kill you with, my pretties. Laughing out loud, he drove through slowly, keeping his low beams on in the darkness and surveyed the area. There were very few lights on. As he parked on the service road, located behind all the units, he glanced over at his necessities. This one was going to be fun.

Shutting off the engine, he climbed out of the truck and whistled Old Dixie as he grabbed his bag. To anyone in the community he was simply coming home from a hard day at the office. If they only knew his office contained a full cabinet of ammunition, enough power tools to build a fortress and copious numbers of medieval tools. Most of them had been taken out for a chop or two. Except for the gutting knives. He’d been longing to use of them since he’d found the collection at a Star Trek convention over the spring. Oh well. There was plenty of time and too many kills. He’d have the opportunity – or make one.

Grinning, he continued on his path, knowing exactly where he was going. When he made it to the back door he glanced up and down the street before pulling out one of his favorite little tools and one that had gotten him out of prison. Seconds later he let himself inside.

He heard the television blaring and almost laughed out loud. This was going to be too easy. As he set his bag down in the back room and unzipped the zipper, he thought about the good ole days of planning a decent murder. It was simply pull out a gun or a machete and kill someone and if you dumped the body well enough, none the wiser. Now a days with crack pot detectives and DNA evidence, he had to be more careful, more creative in his kills. His monthly subscription to Serial Killer Nightly was well worth the $29.95 price tag and damn if he hadn’t honed his skills to near perfection.

Granted, the last kill was a little gruesome but if the man hadn’t of tried to drag his half dead ass off the table before the plunge saw cut into him then everything would have been alright. Oh, the memories were delicious indeed. This was would be less messy because of the circumstances and suited him just fine for the time being. The next four would be a little bit more fun. He had four more nights to complete the operation so there was plenty of time. A body a day kept the doctor away… Yep. He should have been a stand up comedian.

With stealth like maneuvers he moved into the darkened hallway toward the sound of the television. He could also hear a light snoring noise coming from the overstuffed and horrendously ugly plain chair positioned smack in front of what had to be a fifty-five inch LCD television and a brand new one at that. Salivating over the beautiful creation, he made a promise to himself to pick one up after receiving his next paycheck.

He walked around the chair and in truth wanted to wake the old guy up. What fun was it killing people when they didn’t run like scared rabbits? He could remember a time when… Eh, it was time to get it over with. He could head back to the shop, handle the mummification and make it to his corner bar before last call. The plan made, he raised the hard instrument over his head and as he brought it down squarely on top of the man’s noggin, he could swear he heard popping noises. There was nothing like hearing the sounds of brittle bones snapping like twigs to fill him full of such joy.

He landed another blow for good measure, cause he was that kind of guy, and looked around at the once prominent citizen. Yep. The guy was dead as a doornail. As he stood admiring his work for several seconds he grew hungry. Killing always made him ravenous. Grabbing his Swiss Army knife, he peeled back the tough plastic packaging and swore at the idiots who made shrink-wrap. He cut off several pieces of the hard salami and when he placed the first piece in his mouth, he groaned. Damn he loved a good Italian sausage.

When he’d finished the entire long link, he burped and then admonished himself for eating so much. A diet was definitely in order. Slinging the man over his shoulder, he selected a Tony Bennett song to sing to as he headed for the truck. God, he loved his work.

SYNOPSIS

Nicky was sick and tired of hearing about the stench of garbage from the landfill across from Leopard’s Pointe. So sick in fact she scheduled a meeting with Skylorn Landfill’s owner, Bruno Carletti. When Nicky found out all five members of the Board of Leopard’s Pointe, laying dead in the muck near the edge of the landfill, she headed for Mick’s bar and a kiss of the Irish from her partner, Tyler. Now it went without question that the Board wasn’t going to be successful in shutting down Skylorn’s operation. But the question was–did the owner of the tiny trash company know what was going on?

And then there’s the hot twin from Sampson Wright Development, Parker Barrington, who wasn’t only a suspect in the murders, but a known associate with the Italian Trash Cartel. As Nicky and Tyler start trying to solve the murders, mysterious sewage finds its way into every home in the Leopard’s Point, the area’s most upscale condominium community. Needless to say, everyone is in a cranky mood.

When the landscaper is accused of maiming the Grounds Committee Chair with a weed eater, things go from bad to worse in the blink of an eye. And just as Nicky and Tyler they have it all figured out, the local ice cream truck begins selling drugs next to the rocket pops and fudge bars. It’s amazing what you can buy for $4.99 Then there’s the trash dump right outside their front gate. So what’s a community manager to do? Buy spandex and pray for a miracle.

I hope you enjoyed and oh, we won’t talk about the Pink BB Gun – that’s something you’ll have to find out about in this story…

ENJOY A SAUCY VIDEO

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0DY8owzC3A

 

Ciao

Dakotah